Diary Of A Grown Man
by Racey
Summary: So, the group leader says I should put my thoughts down on paper. Something about channeling my frustrations...whatever. I'm just doing this crap because this was my only other option that didn't include prison. AU, Yaoi, Swearing, Violence.
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER 1**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Bleach...

Onwards...

XOXOXO

_June 12th, 2011_

_Monday_

_7:43 pm_

_So, the group leader says I should put my thoughts down on paper. Something about channeling my frustrations...whatever. I'm just doing this crap because this was my only other option that didn't include prison. Oh, you might wanna know what the hell I'm talking about right? Well here's the thing: I was minding my own fucking business at work, when this idiot that I just cannot stand, bumps my fucking light table (purposely, mind you), making me screw up a project I'd been working on for TWO WHOLE MONTHS!_

_Well, I guess you can imagine that that would piss me off pretty badly, so I did the first thing that came to mind: I calmly stood and shoved my fist down his fucking skinny little throat. Then, Keigo (that's the idiot's name) had the nerve to fucking press charges against ME, when HE'S the one that started the drama in the first place. Crazy, right? I say it's fucked up. There's no justice in the world anymore – not that there ever was. I'm just saying._

_So, anyway...rather than go to jail for aggravated assault or some shit, I came here. Anger management. Big "HA" if you ask me. I don't have anger issues at all. I mean, sure I get pissed off when I don't like something and I do have a bad case of road rage, but...who doesn't? I don't think I need some misguided attempt at therapy for it. Besides, anyone put in that situation would've served Keigo a nice, cold fist, in my opinion. _

_Sucks._

_Anyway, even my old man told me I have anger "problems" and need a proper outlet. I just really don't see how this stupid class – or whatever it is – is supposed to help with these "problems". Oh, well. No use complaining about shit now, since I'm already here. Might as well try to enjoy the experience. Haha. Yeah, right. Maybe I'll find a hot chick with anger "problems" and we can start a nice little angry family. HA!_

_I crack myself up, I swear._

_Well, let me introduce you to the cast. _

_First, there's the insane "group leader", who I think needs to be in the class himself, but whatever. I don't run this place, so fuck it. Anyway, his name is Kenpachi Zaraki and he's about the size of three of me. Seriously. He's fucking tall as hell, probably around 6'6", but he appears to be ten feet. He's all muscle and then some, but that's not even the scariest part about the guy. His face is the stuff little kids' nightmares are made of – hell, adults too, for that matter. It's all sharp, angular and menacing-looking with a straight nose and thin lips. Then, there's the black eye patch he wears over his right eye and the long, paper-thin scar slicing through his left eye. His visible eye is gray and ominous like a thunder cloud and his hair...wow. Yeah, his hair is jet-black and he wears it slicked up into these outrageous fucking spikes. Insane._

_Not someone you'd imagine as an anger management group leader, right? _

_I know._

_I'm pretty sure Kenpachi is a lunatic, but who the hell am I to judge? Besides, this mountain of a guy has the cutest kid that he brings to all of the meetings or classes (whatever), claiming he doesn't have the time or money to look for a babysitter. She's five, has wide, innocent eyes, bright, bubble gum pink hair and way too much energy. Her name is Yachiru. Since the classes take place in the local elementary school, after-hours, Yachiru has enough to keep her somewhat occupied, although that doesn't stop her from annoying the hell out of Kenpachi, whom she calls "Kenny". I think it's hilarious seeing such a dangerous -looking guy being brought within arms-length of going nuts. And by a five-year old, no less._

_Now, let's get to my peers, yes? _

_We all sit in a circle like a bunch of hippies, which Kenpachi says "Gives out positive vibes and shit". His words, not mine. Anyway, since we're all in this circle, it's pretty easy to see everyone. We all had to go through the absolutely excruciating ordeal of introducing ourselves and explaining why we were enrolled in an anger management class. Actually, it was kind of funny. We've got some class clowns already._

_Such as, to my immediate right sits a guy named Renji Abarai. He's so obviously a loud-mouth, but it's hilarious because he can't get along with a dark-haired slip of a woman that sits across from him. They argue like an old married couple and, if you ask me, all that yelling and arguing is just foreplay. They want each other. _

_Anyway, back to Renji. He's tall; taller than me, for sure. I'd say he's around 6'2" and pretty muscular. I guess that comes from him playing basketball, which he doesn't hesitate to bring up at any opportunity he gets. He must be good though because when Kenpachi isn't telling him to shut the fuck up, he's asking him questions about the college he attends and their upcoming games. Renji has bright red (think fire engine red) hair and these weird, tribal tattoos that start at his eyebrows, travel down the sides of his neck and disappear underneath the collar of his dark-blue t-shirt. His legs are long (not that I like that sort of thing, you understand) and clad in a pair of dark-blue basketball shorts. He's wearing a pair of black, high-top sneakers and black ankle socks. His legs are sprinkled with fine, crimson hairs and he smells like rubber, which I'm assuming comes from handling a basketball on a daily basis. Renji's reason for being in an anger management class is because he was a little too rough with a player from one of his opposing teams and his coach wants to avoid having the idiot suspended from any future games._

_Beside Renji is a short, white-haired guy named Toshiro Hitsugaya. I swear, I thought he was a kid until he spoke and his fucking voice was deeper than mine. He has these big, innocent, teal eyes that totally throw you off of his real age, which happens to be thirty-two. I kid you not. The guy probably comes up to the middle of my chest. Well, anyway, he scowls more than I do and that's really saying something, since I think I scowl all the fucking time. He wins hands down, though. He doesn't speak unless spoken to and his reason for being in this lovely anger management class is because his secretary at work drives him beyond the brink of madness and to the point of near physical violence. Some chick named Rangiku. Toshiro's age only shows in what he's wearing, which is a pair of khaki pants and a short-sleeved, green, polo shirt, all of the buttons buttoned._

_Next to him sits probably the funniest guy I've ever met, Nnoitra Jiruga. He's taller than Kenpachi, but thin as a reed. He also has black hair that he wears loose around his narrow shoulders and he sports a white bandana around his head. It covers his left eye and adds a stark contrast to his dark hair. His right eye is slitted and a deep violet color and he always wears a wide, piano-key toothed grin. He's sarcastic and rude as hell, but that's what makes him funny, in my opinion. He really doesn't give a shit what he says and Kenpachi can't stand his ass. Nnoitra is wearing a black wife-beater, white, board shorts and a pair of black and white athletic flip-flops. His legs resemble baseball bats, that's how skinny the guy is, but he's tough as hell and favors a small switchblade. Nnoitra's taking anger management because he has two strikes on his job record for beating up customers at the car wash he works and his boss told him he would get fired and sent to jail the next time it happened. When Nnoitra revealed his switchblade in class, the following scene made me nearly wet myself in laughter._

_Nnoitra was slumped in his blue, plastic chair, glaring across the room at a dark-haired girl that had just insulted him. Not the girl that Renji was always arguing with; there was another one that was a little taller and tougher-looking. He had called her a dyke and she had followed his lead and called him a dickless bean pole. After sizing one another up, Nnoitra had whipped out a small, black switchblade and started toying with it, his wide grin out in full force. _

"_What the fuck is yer problem? No weapons, remember?" Kenpachi grunted and held his hand out for said weapon. _

_Nnoitra sneered and closed his hand around the closed blade, "Like hell. Ya think I'm really gonna hand over mah property ta the likes a'you?"_

_Kenpachi narrowed his visible eye and leaned back in his seat, folding his arms across his broad chest, "Look, ya lil' fuck-boy, gimme the blade and I wont have ta kick yer slinky ass," he stated calmly._

_Nnoitra gave his wide grin and stood to his full height, "I was jus' fuckin' witcha, sexy. Ya know I love ya," he responded as he ambled over to Kenpachi and handed him the knife._

"_Shutup, dumbass!" Kenpachi snapped as he snatched the small weapon, making Nnoitra cackle like the wicked witch in that American movie The Wizard of Oz. Nnoitra made his way back to his seat and caught Kenpachi's one-eyed glare, blowing him a kiss as he did so._

_This is what makes Nnoitra so funny. I don't know if the guy really is gay and has a thing for the huge group leader, but the fact that he didn't mind stating it out loud for the world to hear is pure comedic gold. I couldn't stop laughing after hearing that little exchange._

_Anyway, I got way off topic. Let's get back to the roster._

_Nnoitra sits next to a short, blonde firecracker named Hiyori. She makes it very clear that there is definitely a reason she needs anger management. Her attitude is horrible. She's wearing an orange, sleeveless, zip-up hoodie with matching capri-styled sweats and a pair of white flip-flops. She explained her reason for being there in the anger management class is because of her older brother, Shinji, who she has a habit of abusing when he pisses her off. Hiyori is only sixteen, so her mother is forcing her to attend, or be sent to a special school for trouble-making teens._

_Hiyori sits next to the dark-haired girl that Renji argues with all the time. Her name is Rukia Kuchiki and she's the smallest thing (next to Hiyori and Toshiro) that I've ever seen, but her mouth certainly makes up for it. She has a gruff alto that makes her seem rather tomboy-ish. She's wearing a pink and yellow, summer dress with a picture of a white rabbit on the front and a pair of white, low-top sneakers. Her dark hair is shoulder-length and she has huge, dark-blue eyes. I don't find her appealing, but hey, to each his own, right? Her reason for being in anger management is because she lashes out at others due to an imposing, older brother and said imposing, older brother is the one that's making her attend. Vicious cycle._

_Next to Rukia is Kenpachi, then beside him is a bald guy with a wide smirk. His name is Ikkaku Madarame and his reason for being in an anger management class is because he's overly violent at his job, which is teaching kendo. He's wearing a short-sleeved, red t-shirt, light-blue jeans with a pair of black flip-flops and he doesn't really say much, but he laughs a lot._

_Beside Ikkaku is the dark-haired girl that got into it with Nnoitra. Her name is Tatsuki Arisawa and she's probably a tomboy too. She's wearing a white karate gi with a black belt and a pair of black sneakers. When Kenpachi asked her why she was wearing a karate gi, she claimed she had been coming from training and didn't have time to change. She also has a gruff kind of voice, but she isn't as aggressive with it as Rukia. Her reason for being in anger management is because her girlfriend (guess Nnoitra was right) says she fights too much and tends to use her expertise in karate in areas unnecessary. I find that funny._

_Tatsuki sits next to another huge guy named Yammy Riyalgo. Yammy is around the same size and height as Kenpachi, but he's brown-skinned and wears his black hair in five neat cornrows. His outfit is simple: a tight, white, short-sleeved t-shirt, black jeans and a pair of black, Timberland construction boots (even though it's like eighty-five degrees outside). Yammy doesn't talk at all, so no one knows why he's in anger management. Even Kenpachi didn't want to bother with trying to pry the information from the guy._

_Next to Yammy is an empty seat and then the circle comes to a close with me. I refused to dress up for this place, so I'm wearing a short-sleeved, purple t-shirt that has a picture of a pile of spaghetti and the words "spaghetti is love" underneath it on the front. I didn't feel like ironing, so my dark-blue jean shorts are slightly wrinkled and on my feet are a pair of purple, black and white Nike Dunks. I'm comfortable and glad the class is nearly over._

_Kenpachi makes us talk for an hour and then we have to write in these stupid notebooks for another hour. I feel so emasculated, it's ridiculous. I'm a man; I don't need to write in a fucking diary and no matter how much Kenpachi tries to call them "journals", they're fucking diaries. This is an unwelcome addition to the class that he springs on us after a week of attending. What type of shit is that?_

_Oh, wait...Kenpachi's yelling. Did Nnoitra do something again? No, not this time. There's a guy...that just entered the classroom...I guess he was lost, since that's what he just said. He and Kenpachi are arguing and this guy is giving him a run for his money. He's on terms with Nnoitra, minus the gay innuendos._

"_Who the fuck're you?" Kenpachi snapped. _

_New guy frowns and stares Kenpachi down before finally asking, "Is this the anger management class?"_

"_Yeah. Who the fuck're you and why the fuck're ya late? Class is almost over."_

"_I got lost. I ain't from around here."_

_Kenpachi doesn't like this and makes it known, "Well, ya might as well leave. I don't take shit from people who can't even follow the rules."_

_New guy's frown deepens as he again stares at Kenpachi. This time he speaks in English, "Fuckin' asshole. It's not like I wanna be here ta begin with."_

_It's Kenpachi's turn to frown, "What'd ya just say ta me?"_

_New guy switches back to Japanese, "I said yer a fuckin' asshole and I didn't ask ta be here in the first goddamned place."_

_Kenpachi grins and points at the empty seat beside me, "Welcome ta anger management. What's your name?"_

_New guy is obviously puzzled at Kenpachi's behavior, but moves to the seat anyway, "Grimmjow. Grimmjow Jaegerjaques," he grunts._

_Kenpachi nods and glances at the clock above the door to the medium-sized classroom, "Well, we got about ten minutes left. Ya wanna share why ya need ta take an anger management class?"_

_Grimmjow (what the hell kind of name is that?) shoots uncertain looks in everyone else's direction and for the brief second his eyes locked with mine, I felt like I'd stuck Nnoitra's switchblade in an electrical outlet. "Nah, not really. Kinda personal."_

_Kenpachi sighs, but doesn't force the issue. Silence reigns and gives me a chance to take a good look at the guy seated beside me. He has bright blue hair that appears as if it's never met a comb or brush, but at the same time seems controlled. It doesn't make sense, I know, but neither does his hair. It's an enigma and it seems to suit him. His eyes are intense and an impossible shade of blue. His nose is straight and his lips are full..._

_I'm not gay, trust me._

_Grimmjow is pretty tall as well. He's definitely taller than me, but nowhere near as tall as Nnoitra or Kenpachi. I'd say he's around 6'3". His muscles scream "don't fuck with me" and his skin is tanned and flawless. _

_Again, I'm NOT gay._

_He's wearing a form-fitting, short-sleeved, white polo shirt, the buttons at the neck undone, a pair of khaki, cargo shorts and all-white, low-top Nike Air Force One sneakers. Although his clothes make him seem harmless, his aura says otherwise. His voice is a gruff baritone and he smells like fresh air and soap._

_I'm really NOT gay._

_I'm peeking at him from the corner of my eye and I notice that he's quietly observing his surroundings. His eyes flit from one person to the next as if he's sizing them up. Then, his stunning blue eyes land on me and I avert my gaze. I can't let him know that I was just watching him watch others. My skin prickles and the hair on my arms and neck stand up. _

_Grimmjow is leaning towards me._

"_Yo, what's yer name?" he asks softly, his deep voice rumbling._

_I glance at him, wondering what the hell he wants, "Ichigo."_

"_Eh? Ya shittin' me er what?"_

_I bristle. This topic has been the bane of my entire existence for as long as I can remember. I knew what was coming next, but I tried to deny the inevitable for a bit longer, "No, I'm not shittin' you. Ichigo is my name."_

"_...Yer sayin' yer parents named ya after a fruit? That's kinda fucked up."_

_I shake my head, trying not to become the asshole I knew I was capable of becoming, "They didn't name me after the fruit. It means something else," I stated with finality, hoping that Grimmjow would get the hint._

_He didn't._

"_So what's it mean then?" he asks and I turn to face him fully, not quite sure that it's a good idea once I've done it._

_Grimmjow is smirking and his teeth are shiny and white and I suddenly can't breathe. His canines are a little sharper than the average human being, but his smile is devastating. And not in a bad way. _

_Fuck this. I'm not gay!_

"_Nunna your business," I snap childishly and turn away, shivering slightly at the sound of his quiet chuckle._

"_That's a first," he mumbles and I can't help but turn wide eyes in his direction._

_Is he serious?_

_His blue eyes are practically dancing with mischief when he smirks and leans towards me again, "Yer named after a fruit, ain't ya? S'ok, you can go ahead and admit it."_

_'ASSHOLE!' is what I scream internally, but outwardly all I can do is silently fume._

"_So, Ichigo, if yer named after a fruit, does that make ya one?" he continues and I swear I wanna rip his pretty blue hair from his head._

_I decide the safest route would be to ignore him, but alas, he strikes another nerve._

"_Oi, are ya a virgin?"_

_I am, in fact, NOT a fucking virgin, but his outlandish question makes me blush and he gets the wrong idea._

"_So, I take it ya are. Ya know, that's pretty lame."_

_I can't take it anymore and I snap. I snarl, "Fuck you!" and punch the asshole in the face. The mouth to be exact._

_Grimmjow is stunned and sits blinking at me for all of three seconds before he's on me and we're rolling around on the floor like a couple of five-year olds. There is laughter and Kenpachi is yelling, but I only vaguely register these things because I'm completely focused on getting my hands around this blue-haired prick's neck._

_Let's just say things don't always turn out the way we'd like._

_Grimmjow grabs the front of my t-shirt and head-butts me, making me see stars. I pause, trying to gain my bearings, but then I'm rolled over and Grimmjow is on top of me, pressing against me and breathing hard. We both are, but his breath is coming in short bursts through his bared teeth as he glares down at me, blood easing from the corner of his mouth._

_And for the life of me, I don't want him to move._

_This thought alone spurs me into action. I shove his chest, but he's stronger than me and weighs more too, so he doesn't move. His chest is firm and solid and I can feel his heart thudding beneath my hand. A wide smirk blooms across his features and he's rearing back to punch me, when Kenpachi lifts him off of me. _

_Thank kami for small favors._

_I sit up and stare at him as he's being scolded by Kenpachi. He's not paying a bit of attention to the group leader, instead staring right back at me, still wearing that huge, excited smirk. I don't know what the fuck to do other than stand and re-take my seat, but then Kenpachi is saying we can all go home now._

_So, 'til next time, I suppose._

_Ichigo~_


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Bleach...

Onwards...

XOXOXO

_June 13th, 2011_

_Tuesday_

_7:15 pm_

_I can't believe I got suckered into taking this stupid fucking class. All because that little fucker, Luppi, put a restraining order on me. _

_Pussy._

_That little tight-ass had so much mouth, but the minute I went to shut it, he turned into a fucking girl. Well, I guess I should've seen that coming. It's not like I've ever seen the faggot fight before. And Luppi IS a fucking faggot. A flaming one, in fact. He even dresses like a chick and everything, I kid you not. He's so...tiny. He can't possibly be a guy! I think the kami fucked up when they made him, like they couldn't make up their minds what they wanted him to be. Haha._

_Anyway._

_So, here I am in a fucking anger management class because a little cross-dressing freak couldn't keep his fucking mouth shut. Talkin' 'bout, "You know you want this, Grimmjow!"_

…

_As fucking if._

_OH SHIT! I almost forgot all the fun I had yesterday, my first day!_

_So, let me start at the beginning. I left my house, which is in Tokyo, to come all the way to this crappy fucking hick town named Karakura. I shouldn't be so hard on the place though. They can't help the fact that they fucking suck._

_Anyway._

_So, I come from Tokyo after having the mother of all arguments with my baby sister, Cirucci, whore that she has become. She thinks I don't know about her nasty little habit of coming into my room late at night and going through my pants, hoping that I've left my wallet in them. Well, anyway. We were arguing because I refused to fucking take her side in the parent war. In other words, our folks are kicking her ass the fuck out for...surprise, surprise...stealing from them. Now, if Cirucci was a NORMAL baby sister, doing what she was supposed to do and shit like that, I might have considered being thrown under the bus for her sake, but since she's stolen from me no less than three times, I wouldn't piss on fire to put her out._

_Way off track here._

_So, we argue and she has a titty tantrum and storms the fuck out – like I give a shit. Then, I realize I'm running late for the class I was forced into. Although I live in Tokyo with my folks, I work in Karakura. Well, me and my boy, Gin. Gin actually lives here in Karakura though. Him and his girl, Nel-something or other. She's hot, that's all I know. _

_We work for Gin's step-pops, Aizen. He owns a nice little club and I'm the house DJ, while Gin is one of the bartenders. It's a cool gig and the pay is pretty fucking good, so it works. I'm grateful as hell too, because I just moved back here after having been in America for ten years, which is why I got lost trying to find this fucking school. Before I started working at the club, Hueco Mundo, I'd never set foot in Karakura. I'm only familiar with the club and Gin's apartment, so everything else is like traversing fucking Pluto. _

_Damn, I keep getting side-tracked._

_So, I'm driving around looking for this fucking place and I'm getting pissed and annoyed because it seems like I keep driving in fucking circles. Finally, a gas station attendant takes pity on my dumb ass when he spots me driving past him for the FIFTH time. He gives me directions, I thank him – although I don't really want to – and make my way to this school: Karakura Elementary. _

_I run across another problem because now I can't find any fucking parking. They have these signs along the curb in front of the school saying "NO PARKING", which pisses me off, because...where the FUCK am I supposed to park my goddamned car? _

_Yeah, so I end up parking three blocks away and walking to the fucking school because some smart fucker decided no one could park in front of it. Fucking geniuses, I swear._

_Anyway._

_At long last, I make it to the fucking school and guess what? _

_The fucking front door is locked. _

_I mean, what the fuck people! Give a guy a break, yeah?_

_Now, I feel like an idiot because the fucking door is not only locked, but the front entrance is dark and it's pretty fucking obvious that no one is there. Then, just as I'm about to flip the building the bird, I spot a teeny tiny note beside the light blue door stating that "Anyone here for the anger management class should go around back."_

_Whose idea it was to stick a microscopic note up there, I have no fucking clue, but whoever it was, they should be donkey-stomped. _

_So, now I go 'round back and there's a red door that seems to have some life behind it. There's a light shining underneath it and I hear a deep voice coming from the other side. This must be it. I open the door, which is thankfully unlocked and the first thing my eyes land on is a HUGE guy with an absolutely ridiculous hairstyle. The fucking slicked back spikes are just over the top and I'm forced to swallow my first reaction of laughing out loud at the fucker. Then, the guy goes and...yells at me._

_Yeah, I don't know if he didn't get the memo or not, but no one fucking yells at Grimmjow fucking Jaegerjaques. Dude must not know who the fuck I am._

_I stare at him like he's lost his fucking mind – which he clearly has. I mean, his hair is the proof. I calmly ask him if this is the anger management class and again, the fucker snaps and yells. Something about him not tolerating people that can't follow the rules. At this point, I've come to the conclusion that not only is the guy a fucking lunatic, he's a fucking asshole too._

_And that's what I tell him. Except I was so pissed, I said it in English._

_He didn't understand._

_I clarified in Japanese._

_I'm not one for biting my tongue or holding shit in when I'm pissed._

_Then, the motherfucker flips the script completely and gives me this creepy ass grin before "welcoming me" to the class and pointing to an empty, blue, plastic chair. _

_I tried to tell you...he's nutty as squirrel shit._

_Anyway._

_I sit and survey my surroundings. The class is filled with a bunch of misfits, if you ask me. They all look weird or unhinged and not one of them appealed to me. I mean, the really tall, skinny fucker caught my eye for a second, but that was because he was staring at me (with one eye, mind you, since his left eye is hidden by a white bandana) with this perverted smirk. I wanted to ask him what the fuck he was looking at like that, but thought better of it. I mean, I was here to "manage my anger" not start shit with my classmates. I believe my mom would call that "counter-productive"._

_I continue taking in the rest of the class, wondering why the hell there were three midgets in attendance. I shouldn't care, but it's pretty fucking funny that people that damned small have anger issues. Continuing with my visual checklist, I run a mental "X" through each image. Buff, red head. Check. The three chibis. Check. A female karate kid. Check. The bandana-wearing sicko. Check. Holy cow, the silent, dark-skinned behemoth. Check. Cue ball and the weirdo group leader. Check. _

_And then my favorite part of the class: bright-orange haired guy._

_After staring at this guy's hair for a bit ('cuz c'mon, I've never seen bright as tangerines orange hair before), I decide to ask a few questions that are just dying to be answered._

_Something weird happens._

_This guy has...ok, when I explain this, don't think I'm gay, 'cuz I'm NOT. _

_The orange-haired guy tells me his name is strawberry and his voice is like...like your favorite song...something you can listen to all fucking day and never get tired of it. It's deep, but husky. Like he's on the verge of a sore throat or something and it suits him. He's got these milk chocolate brown eyes, matching freckles across his cheeks and the bridge of his nose (which is straight and kind of up-turned at the end) and he has a spectacular fucking tan. His skin is like the color of honey and he's got freckles on his arms and legs too._

_I don't know why his looks distract me so much, but it pisses me off and I take it out on his name. I mean, he has to know that, even if the shit does mean something else, people are gonna fuck with him because it sounds like the damned fruit. Personally, I think it's kinda cute. His hair and his name go hand in hand. You can't really beat that._

_Anyway._

_Ichigo is so easy to get riled up and it's fucking FUN. Kami, I've never had that much fun getting under someone's skin in my life. Not even Cirucci and she's pretty fun to fuck with too, but this guy wins, no contest. One mention of the "v" word and he's ready to shit bricks, blushing all prettily. So, I fuck with him some more, of course, and then he surprises me and punches me._

_One reason I didn't see that coming: he just doesn't seem the type to be a fighter. Angry? Yeah. But fighting? FUCK no. So, as you can tell, he pretty much made my fucking day with that hit. It didn't hurt, but he did manage to draw some blood. _

_I leap at him and the next thing I know, we're on the floor wrestling around like high schoolers and the strawberry is trying to get his hands around my throat. He's so fucking adorable, but if he wants to play hardball, then hardball we shall play. I grab his purple t-shirt and head-butt the crap out of him, which stuns him and gives me the perfect opportunity to roll him over and press him against the floor. Now, we're just staring at each other and breathing all hard and I'm getting aroused from all the excitement. Ichigo has a lean, wiry body complete with toned muscle and soft skin and he smells like Irish Spring soap. _

_Although that thought pisses me the fuck off, I can't help the grin that splits my face in two. This is the most fun I've had since I moved back to Japan. Ichigo pushes against my chest and gets nowhere, but his hand against me makes my heart skip a beat and my dick jump. I'm not gay, so I don't like the dick jumping part. That's why I bring my fist back to meet his face, but the group leader – the insane fucker with the spikes – pulls me off of the strawberry before I can land the hit. _

_Fucking sucks._

_I was so ready to let Ichigo get acquainted with my knuckles. Hell, he fucking deserved it after that little pussy punch earlier. I vaguely register the group leader saying something to me, but for some reason my attention is riveted to the orange-haired man staring back at me in disbelief and discomfort. He's confused. It's so obvious, he may as well have had a fucking sign stuck to his forehead. _

_I don't blame him._

_I'm grinning at him like an idiot because he interests me and has supplied me with a great time. _

_And here I thought anger management was going to be wack._

_Ichigo is sporting an angry red mark in the middle of his forehead from where I head-butted him, but he doesn't seem bothered by it, which only serves to intrigue me more. Has he taken a lot of damage before and that's why he can withstand a blow like that?_

_Oh man._

_I've never been this excited in my life. _

_I feel like fucking Christmas has come in the middle of June and I'm the lucky kid with the most presents._

_Ichigo is my Santa Claus._

_Fuck. _

_Merry Christmas to me._

_The group leader – whose name is Kenpachi-something – pushes me out of the class and tells me not to come back if I can't behave. Once Ichigo is out of my sight, my focus seems to return and I realize that I am acting like a teenager with a crush. _

_But I can't help it._

_Most guys take one look at me and decide tempting fate just isn't fucking worth it, but Ichigo...Ichigo didn't even hesitate to go toe-to-toe with me and that's new for me. Can you blame me for being excited? Especially since I love fighting to begin with? Bar brawls, street fights, they all make my blood roar and sing like Mariah Carey._

_I stand outside of the school for five minutes, hoping the strawberry will appear and we can finish what we started inside, but then I realize that I'm behaving like a fucking stalker, so I walk my ass to my car. Even though it's the evening, it's still hot as hell and I begin sweating during the three block walk to my vehicle, my white polo shirt sticking uncomfortably to my back. _

_I touch my lip, register a twinge of pain, smile and start humming a tune. _

_I finally reach my black, 2009 Honda Accord and slip inside, starting it up and immediately blasting the AC. I drive home anxious for tomorrow and my next anger management class and thus, my next encounter with the strawberry._

_I get home and float inside, my parents asking questions I don't bother to answer as I head for my room to get out of my sweaty clothes and shower. _

_I wake up this morning, feeling like a million fucking bucks and glad that I don't have to work tonight either, giving me ample time to proposition the strawberry for another REAL fight. The day sails by and in no time I'm driving to my anger management class, eager as a boy about to lose his virginity. I saunter into class and realize that everyone from the day before is there...except the one I want to fucking see._

_I'm in class now, pissed off and bored because my strawberry isn't fucking here and I could've stayed the hell home and done something else with my fucking time. Kenpachi is saying we need to come prepared to talk tomorrow._

_Fuck that._

_He better be glad if I even bother to come at all._

_I'm not some chick, yet, I'm sitting here writing in this "journal" just for the hell of it and because I like my handwriting. _

_Ah...just as I was about to complain about being ready to bounce, Kenpachi has dismissed us._

_So, later fucking "journal"..._

_~Grimm_


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Bleach...

Onwards...

XOXOXO

_June 14th, 2011_

_Wednesday_

_7:30 pm_

_Oh man._

_You have no idea how tempted I was to stay my ass at home again tonight, but my old man threatened to lock me away himself if I didn't come to class. How he planned to accomplish that, I have no idea, but I'm not one to tempt fate. My dad has ways that are far beyond mysterious and I wouldn't be surprised in the least if he did manage to somehow have his only son sent to the slammer._

_My last two days were pretty strange._

_I'll start with the day that I was "absent" from class. Fuck, I feel like I'm back in high school and shit._

_Anyway._

_I got up the next morning with this huge hickey on my forehead, wondering where the hell it came from and then getting pissed when I remembered. I started to plaster a bandage over it, but thought better of it and just took my ass to work. I mean, either way, the damned thing was going to draw attention, so I was fucked from the rip._

_Sure enough, after the ten minute drive in my sweltering, BLACK Toyota Camry, I arrived at work and the doorman to the huge office-styled building, eyed me with a look that made me wanna cram my fist down his throat. I shuffled past him, anger already licking at the edges of my conscience and headed for the rundown elevators._

_Now, messing with Shihouin & Things' elevators is like gambling. You win some and you lose some. More often than not, you lose some. I was hoping to win some just this once and oddly, the elevator made it to the fifteenth floor without incident or catastrophe._

_Kurosaki: One_

_Elevator: Twenty-two_

_And yes, I did keep count. My life is just that fun._

_I strolled through the halls on my floor, heading for my workspace and minding my own fucking business, when Keigo fucking Asano rams into me, knocking my messenger bag strap free from my shoulder. This is why the little tool got a right fucking hook to his mouth the last time we had a similar encounter. _

_I close my eyes, ball up my fists and count to ten, trying my hardest not to twist and shout all over that prick._

_The only reason it worked was because Keigo had used some semblance of his brain and scurried the fuck outta there at the sight of "I'm pissed" written all over my face._

_Guess he didn't want a repeat performance on my behalf._

_Frankly, I could've sworn he was giving me a standing ovation and shouting "encore"._

_With that situation diffused, I shoved into the large, loft-styled room that housed my workspace, as well as others. It was bright and cheerful with annoying, sunshine yellow walls and thin, bright red carpeting._

_Horrendous, right?_

_I know._

_The only relief came from the floor-to-ceiling windows on the west side of the room, where there was a great view of the Karakura harbor. My workstation is near the windows and I am forever grateful for that. Watching the happenings beyond that glass has saved me many a time from dying a slow, agonizing death of boredom. _

_Another good thing about my boring ass job as a graphic designer is the fact that I work with my best friend/silent shadow, Chado. He doesn't really talk much unless he feels it's necessary, but I don't mind. He listens to me ramble and his company is often time good enough for me._

_Today isn't one of those days._

_I need input. Feedback. Participation. _

_I trudge to my light table and plunk my bag onto it, lowering myself into my black, cushiony swivel chair and swinging around to face my friend, who's already seated at his table and bent over it, studying something way too intently._

_I clear my throat to get his attention and just like Chado, he turns to me with an expectant look._

_I love this guy._

_Let me take a moment to describe Chado to you._

_He's tall as hell, built like an American football player, has coffee-brown skin and wavy hair that's only a few shades darker. His eyes are dark and solemn, but the right remains covered by a curtain of that brown hair, so most times I only see one eye anyway. Chado likes collared shirts with strange designs on them and slim-fitting jeans. His footwear alternates between loafers and sneakers. Today, he's wearing sneakers, a bright red and yellow, collared shirt, and light-blue jeans. His aura is formidable, but he wouldn't harm a fly...unless he really had to._

_Then he was scary._

_Chado gives me his expectant look and I sigh, running a hand over my face, unsure where to start. Chado smirks and sits back in his seat. He knows I'm going to have a doozy for him._

_He's right._

"_I started anger management yesterday," I state, giving him a look that indicates what I think about that little fun fact._

_Chado smiles, but still doesn't say anything. He knows I'll continue on my own._

_He's right again._

"_I already hate it. I don't wanna go back," I monotone and this draws an eyebrow arch. "The people are weird, the group leader has spikes for a hairdo and I got in a fight."_

_Chado's shoulders sag in disappointment and he cocks his head to the side. I hurry to explain._

"_It wasn't my fault though! This one guy just kept fucking with me! He even called me a virgin! What was I supposed to do?" I almost whine._

_Just the thought of the blue-haired man has my stomach in knots and I'm ashamed because it's not all from anger. Chado observes me and just when I think he's not going to bother to comment, he does._

"_Ichigo. Why didn't you ignore him?"_

_My mouth falls slack and all I can do is gape at my best friend. I'm wondering if he's gonna change his mind about what he just asked me, but...nope, doesn't look like he is. Chado has no idea what I went through and how impossible it was to ignore someone like that Grimmjow guy. _

"_He's not the type you can ignore," I mutter and swivel around to face my lonely workspace._

_Chado doesn't say anything and I feel depression crashing over me like a tsunami. I thought Chado would understand my plight. I mean, we used to get into the occasional fight together in high school and I guess I just figured he would get that there were just some people that deserved to have their asses kicked._

_Work crawled by at a snail's pace and by the time four o'clock rolled around, I was beyond ready to get the fuck outta there. I hadn't made much progress on the project I'd had to start over because of a certain brown-haired fuck-hole, so I gathered my messenger bag and slouched out of the office. Chado followed behind me silently and honestly, this was the first time that his quietness annoyed me._

_I glance over my shoulder and notice he's watching me like a bomb squad watches a particularly nasty explosive device. I curl my upper lip back and grumble some nonsense, pulling a soft chuckle from the larger man, which completely catches me off guard. I whirl around, agitated, "What's so funny?"_

"_Why don't you tell me what's really bothering you, Ichigo?" Chado says, his voice full of infinite wisdom._

_I huff and resume the journey to the elevators, debating whether I should tell my best friend of over seven years that the reason Grimmjow had been able to wiggle under my skin so successfully was because I had found him attractive. _

_Shit, I'm cringing as I write this, I hope you know that._

_It was a moment of revelation for me as well and it doesn't make me happy in the least._

_I'm stabbing the call button for the elevator, when Chado nicely grabs the back of my shirt collar and tugs me towards the staircase. Chado doesn't seem to be in the mood to wait for the sometimey machine. We're trooping down the stairs and bless my tall friend's soul, he hasn't reminded me that there is a topic that is still wide open for discussion. _

_I know I'm procrastinating and avoiding the issue, but honestly. What the fuck am I gonna say?_

_Hey, Chado, the guy I fought is smoking gun hot and that's why I don't wanna go back to the anger management class._

_No fucking way!_

_I'd never live it down._

_We finally reach the main floor and trudge through the lobby, still cloaked in silence. My nerves are shot and I swear Chado can probably read my mind, which is why he hasn't said one word yet. We leave the building, the sun is out and being a prick, the ground is almost steaming like a sauna and the air is thick and humid, sticking to my lungs and throat._

_We head to the parking lot next to the building and I look longingly at Chado's white, 2009 Mitsubishi Lancer, which is fully equipped with fully functional AC and power windows, unlike my old Camry. I'm so fucking jealous, but I don't want it to show as I hold my hand up and wave. Chado does something out of character and arches his visible brow._

"_I'm coming over, Ichigo," he states and it's clear there is no room for argument as he slides into his leather upholstered vehicle._

_I sigh and dread descends as I realize there is no way to get around this upcoming conversation. I slink into my overheated car and manually roll down the windows, anxious to get on the road and have some air circulate through the stuffy confines. I back out of my parking spot and notice Chado following close behind me._

_Yeah, he's serious._

_Chado is rarely, if ever, this persistent, so I know he's not letting this go. It's like he knows there is something more that I'm not telling him and he's actually determined to get it out of me. We cruise for a few blocks until a red light stops our progress. As I'm waiting for the light to change, a revelation sweeps over me and I'm left stunned and feeling like a fucking moron._

_Like, why didn't I see this shit before?_

_Chado has been my friend for forever and yet, here I am behaving like I can't tell him anything. I think I could tell Chado I had genital herpes and he wouldn't even bat an eyelash._

_Ok, maybe he would, but you get my point._

_The light flicks green and off we go again. We pull up to my house and park in front before heading up the stoop. I cautiously unlock the front door because like I've said before, my old man is clinically insane and has a tendency to attack first and ask questions later._

_Sure enough, I swing the door open and he's there, long leg raised and outstretched. I knock him to the ground with a well-placed elbow and a grunt of annoyance before continuing in the direction of my room. At the bottom of the stairs, I turn and ask Chado if he wants something to drink._

_He doesn't._

_We proceed._

_In my room, I drop my messenger bag in my closet and plop down onto my lumpy bed. Chado takes a seat at my desk and turns a dark eye in my direction. I squirm and sigh. The moment of truth, in a manner of speaking._

"_Sooo..." I say and Chado grins, which surprises me._

"_Do you remember high school when we tried out for the wrestling team, but got booted because we broke the rules?" he asks and my face falls._

_I really don't like where this conversation is headed._

"_Yeah," I answer._

"_So, was your recent fight anything like that?"_

_My face pales and it feels like all the blood in my body has vacated the premises. I never told Chado why that fight had occurred back then, but it seems like he has an idea. Maybe he doesn't see the whole picture, but he definitely has enough to make an estimation. _

_See, before I move forward with this little conversation between myself and Chado, I'll fill you in briefly on what happened back then. We went out for the wrestling team and in order to qualify, we had to wrestle with a member of the team to show our potential or whatever. My opponent was, for lack of better wording, pretty damned good-looking. _

_His name was Shuuhei Hisagi._

_I remember him smiling at me and smelling like cupcakes. Strange, I know, but that's what it reminded me of._

_Anyway, he had held his hand out, we shook and commenced with the wrestling. The first minute or so wasn't bad. In fact, it was pretty fun and engaging. _

_Then Shuuhei had gone and wrapped an arm around my upper thigh, his free hand cupping my ass. I don't know what the hell happened after that, but there had been a lot of scuffling. Wrestling had gone out the window and good old fighting had taken its place. Shuuhei had managed to trap me in a submissive hold where my head was between his legs, while his arms were wrapped securely around my torso. _

_I can tell you this. I had been ashamed, but I had also been aroused. And it had been visible._

_Insert cringe here._

_Shuuhei made a wrong move and I was able to slip away from him. That was when he noticed what was going on in my shorts and the resulting chain reaction wasn't pretty. He gave me a disgusted glare, punched me in my jaw and the fighting resumed, only this time, a few of his buddies decided it was a good idea to jump in._

_Insert Chado._

_He wasn't going to sit back and let some idiots jump all over me, so we ended up getting booted from the tryouts and needless to say, banned from ever returning. Not that I would want to._

_Anyway, you can see why this route of discussion had me fucking disturbed and more than a little wary. I stare my best friend down, unable to confirm his suspicions. The recent fight really hadn't been my fault, but there is no denying that I think Grimmjow is nice-looking._

_Ok, he's more than nice-looking, but no one needs to know I feel that way but me!_

_Chado just eyes me and waits patiently for me to respond. I hate when he gets like this, all quiet and all-knowing. It's disconcerting. I finally cave and shrug my shoulders, but I'm determined to let him know that it wasn't exactly like the incident in high school._

"_He started it," I mutter lamely._

_Chado does the eyebrow thing again and I do the shoulder thing again. We've reached a stalemate._

"_Ichigo, do you like guys?" Chado asks and not only blows my fucking mind, but thoroughly __embarrasses me because I've been pondering the same thing since my encounter with the blue-haired ruffian from anger management. It was easy to chalk up the high school thing to male hormones and puberty and what not, but this thing with Grimmjow is different. I'm fully grown and still find him attractive._

_I wrinkle my nose, afraid to meet Chado's steady gaze. Do I admit that there's a miniscule, microscopic possibility that I may have a thing for my own gender? _

_Shit._

_I'm not gay...am I?_

"_Probably you should think about that," Chado remarks and climbs to his feet. _

_I frown, "You're leavin'?"_

"_Mm, I have a few things to do."_

_So, he drops a nuclear bomb on my conscience and leaves?_

_Nice._

_I watch him go, dumbfounded. My bedroom door swings shut and I lay back on my bed, my eyes locked on the ceiling._

_I don't wanna be gay._

_**Next Day**_

_Work is normal and boring, yet again, but when I'm leaving, something strange happens. I'm rounding the corner towards the staff parking lot, when a shock of blue hair catches my eye from across the street. I'm so shocked I allow myself to be seen – like a dumbass – and Grimmjow is grinning, already on his way over to me._

_Yes, I'm stupid, but Grimmjow is like a tropical cyclone and I'm a defenseless tree, swaying in his trade winds._

_He swaggers over to me, a huge grin plastered across his face and I'm trying not to grin back. His smile is so contagious. He's wearing a pale green, short-sleeved t-shirt that's molded to his muscular torso, black board shorts that are clinging low on his hips and low-top, black and white Converse sneakers. He smells like some type of exotic soap._

"_Yo, wussup, fruit boy!" he greets and my blood percolates, my heart rate picking up._

"_That ain't my name, you asshole," I growl._

_Grimmjow doesn't give a snap and doesn't even blink, "Why weren't ya in class yesterday?"_

_I sigh and turn my back, strolling to my car and trying to ignore the huge, blue-haired thorn in my side. Doesn't work, of course, because Grimmjow follows me. I'm at my car now and he's still pestering me with his presence, although, truth be told, I can't really say it's much of a bother._

"_This yer car? Fuck, what a piece a'shit!" Grimmjow exclaims and I change my mind about him not being a cramp in my side._

_He's actually evolved to being a pain in my ass._

"_Don't you have something better to do?" I snap, exasperated and quite fucking annoyed._

"_Nope. Actually, I was wonderin' somethin'."_

_My hackles rise and I eye him with much suspicion. I don't trust him worth a damn. Grimmjow gives me that huge, creepy grin that displays massive, sharpened canine action and I literally feel a chill roll down my back._

"_What?" I ask, hoping I haven't just signed my own fucking death warrant._

"_Whataya say ta fightin' me again?"_

_I'm flabbergasted._

_I stare at him for a beat, just to see if he's serious._

_His blue eyes are intense and unwavering and I'm getting that he's very serious, indeed._

"_Huh?" is all my brain can supply._

_Grimmjow arches a thin, blue brow and gives good glare._

_I get the picture._

"_If ya c'n 'huh', ya c'n hear," he rumbles, his voice going lower and more threatening._

"_Why do you wanna fight me?" I ask, not willing to argue with this guy._

"_Why not? Didn't ya have fun before?"_

_I'm confused. Grimmjow is really asking me for a fight. Oddly, once I let the idea roll around in my mind for a while, it doesn't seem like such a bad one. I mean, come on, that's the perfect way to work off some stress and shit. I run a hand through my hair and grin at my sneakers._

_My eyes slowly travel upwards to meet with arctic blue and it's like Grimmjow already knows what I'm going to say. His grin is back and he's rocking back on his heels, his hands stuffed into his shorts pockets._

"_Fine," I state and Grimmjow whoops like the misbegotten cur he is._

"_Here, take my number. I ain't goin' ta class tanight, so call me tamorrow and we'll see what we can set up, yeah?" he asks in a rush, his words almost squeezing together._

_All I can do is nod and pull out my cell phone as Grimmjow recites his number. I store it under his name and he's obviously shocked if his lifted eyebrows are any indication._

"_What?" I ask defensively, not liking the look on the cretin's face._

"_Ya remember my name?" he asks with a tilt of the head._

_I almost blush, but nod anyway. Is it bad that I remember his name? Grimmjow smiles and saunters off with a backwards wave, "See ya, Ichigo."_

_My mouth falls to my knees and my heart pitter-patters in my chest as I watch him walk away. _

_It's my turn to be surprised._

_Class was uneventful. Kenpachi yelled at Nnoitra for bringing his knife again. Personally, I think Nnoitra does it on purpose, just to get the over-sized group leader riled up and paying attention to him. Toshiro nearly had a breakdown during the discussion period because his secretary ruined his dry-cleaning and Renji regaled us with a basketball tale. _

_Strangely, I miss the blue-haired idiot's presence already and I've only known him for a couple days. Class just isn't the same without him, I guess._

_Ichigo~_


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Bleach...

Onwards...

XOXOXO

_June 22nd, 2011_

_Thursday_

_7:44 pm_

_I'm confused as fuck._

_I can't fucking sit still and my skin feels like it's crawling off my flesh. My blood is boiling and my muscles won't stop jerking, which makes writing this really hard. My right eyebrow has a constant twitch and even now, glancing across the room at...him...makes me wanna do unspeakable things._

_Things I would never think of in the first place._

_Things that make me nauseous, but disgustingly...curious._

_Fuck._

_I know you're fucking confused and I swear I'll get to explaining things. Just...gimme a minute to gather the balls to do it._

_OK._

_You're never gonna fucking believe what happened to me since the last time I wrote in this fucking journal. _

_(Takes deep breath)_

_Yeah, so the last time we talked, I remember being all excited about seeing the orange-haired guy, Ichigo, so we could fight and have a manly one-on-one. When I think back on it, I realize it was all crap, a facade, a weak excuse for a joke. I don't even know why or how I didn't see this shit from the beginning. How I let it slam into me with all the weight of a five foot nine, 156 pound red head._

_So, I know you're pissed and like get to the fucking point already, but if you were in my shoes (which a week ago, I thought were very normal) you wouldn't be in a hurry to thoroughly humiliate yourself either._

_But, whatever...fuck it. _

_Here goes nothing._

_So, after that day when Ichigo was absent from class, amazingly, I see the fucking guy across the street from this little store that Gin frequents all the time. At first, I was shocked, you know? Like, what are the odds? But anyway, I spot him and immediately get all excited at the prospect of another fight (snorts). Cross the street and greet him. He gets all pissed and I like it. His anger really does something to me. His copper eyes get all hot and steamy, his perfect orange brows scrunch together and his full lips..._

_Ah, shit..._

_Yeah, so, he gets pissed and I end up following him to his car, intent on getting him to fight me. He says something irrelevant and finally, I pop the big question._

_Ichigo...will you fight me?_

_He's all confused and whatnot, but I can see – once he gets used to the idea – that it intrigues and excites him, just as much as it does me. He's mine. We're SO gonna fight. He gives me this smile that knocks me completely off balance as he gives his assent. I'm still reeling from the wide, happy grin and the way his sable brown eyes crinkle in the corners, while I absently give him my number, so he can call and we can set a date for our fighting nuptials._

_Then, he fucking blows me away AGAIN, when he saves my number under my name...accurately spelled and all. Either Ichigo is a genius, or he's seen my name somewhere before. I don't know and frankly, I really don't give a shit. Knowing the guy even remembers my name without me having told him directly is still making my gut slither around uncomfortably. _

_I do something utterly dumb and girly. _

_I smile and leave. As I'm leaving, I wave, still fucking smiling idiotically and I use his name. _

_The look I spotted before I got too far away was priceless and against my better judgment, worth the momentary lapse in my manhood. I should've pounded Ichigo on the back or...something...but, no. I WAVED._

_(cringe)_

_I feel like such a bitch._

_Luckily, I've got time to get over that, since class isn't on my agenda for the night. Hueco Mundo is opening earlier than usual for a special event and I've gotta be there to DJ. I meet Gin at his apartment and from there we go set up._

_I won't bore you with the rest of that evening, since nothing really happened. _

_The next day, I went to class and Ichigo and me kept our distance, but I felt something strange. Something that had me on edge and particularly fidgety. Every few minutes, I felt eyes picking me apart. Dissecting me. Almost molesting me._

_I know._

_You're probably saying, Grimmjow, that's a lot of shit to get out of a few measly stares and you know what? Normally, you'd be correct. Except the person doing the staring was Ichigo, therefore the stares and looks held much more weight, much more potency._

_I was stupid._

_I didn't understand what the hell was going on._

_I thought Ichigo was just analyzing me, you know? The way someone takes in their future opponent._

_(sighs) _

_My idiocy knew no bounds._

_That was clue numero fucking uno. _

_The looks._

_After class, we went our separate ways; I left him alone and he left me alone._

_Day after that, Friday morning to be precise, my cell phone wakes me with a rousing chorus of "Now if she does it like this, will you do it like that? Now if she touches like this, will you touch her right back? Now if she moves like this, will you move like that? C'mon! Shake, shake, shake, shake, shake it! Shake, shake, shake, shake, shake it! Shake, shake, shake, shake, shake it! Shake, shake, shake, shake, shake it! Shake, shake, shake, shake, shake it!"_

_The shit was turned up loud as it could go, from the previous night and I had forgotten to turn the fucking thing back down to human levels. The damned thing scared me so badly, I rolled right outta bed and landed on the floor, eyes wild, wondering who the fuck, what the fuck and why the fuck, all at the same time._

_Finally, I realized that it was my cell and I had an unknown phone call. That ring tone only goes off when I don't know the number. I crawl to my night stand and reach for the ringing device, grumbling hair-raising obscenities at whoever dared to call me before the kami even had a chance to wake._

_I glare at the readout, confirming what I already knew. I don't recognize the number. I tap the connect button on the screen and answer with a gruff, "Yo," knowing my voice sounds like shit._

_There's a hesitant pause, a deep breath and I'm jerked to life by Ichigo's voice. "Grimmjow?" he asks uncertainly._

_Well, who the hell else did he expect to answer MY fucking phone?_

"_Ichigo, is there a reason yer callin' me..." I glance at the clock and my eyes widen disbelievingly. "5:45 in the fuckin' mornin'? Are ya fuckin' shittin' me, fruit boy?" I holler, my throat raspy and struggling to accommodate my anger._

_There's a taut silence before his laughter strokes my back in a comforting manner, "Not a morning person, huh, Grimmjow?" and I swear I can hear teasing._

"_Look, ya orange-haired piece of fish food! Ya don't call this number 'til AFTER the roosters do their thing, yeah?" I growl, blood simmering at the audacity of Ichigo and his teasing._

"_Bwahaha! Meet me at Urahara Dojo in a half."_

_The line is dead. The connection severed._

_I am in awe._

_This is the first time anyone has dared to hang up on me AND order me about, all at once. _

_I'm confused and not quite sure what to do for the first few seconds. Then, like a fool, a wide, shit-eating grin is gracing my features and I'm climbing to my feet, thoughts of beating Ichigo into a fine powder, putting an animated spring in my step as I go about finding suitable clothing._

_My morning has purpose, even if it is at an ungodly hour._

**XxxxxxX**

_Once I'm dressed in a white, sleeveless tee and black basketball shorts, I realize belatedly that I have no idea where this Urahara Dojo is. Is it in Karakura? _

_Sighing in frustration, I dig in my shorts pocket for my cell and pull up the recent calls log. Ichigo's number is the only one I don't recognize, so I connect the call and wait for the orange-haired shit to answer. _

_It takes three rings._

"_Where the fuck is this dojo?" I grouse as soon as he answers. _

_I can hear the twerp's grin when he responds, "Three blocks from Karakura Elementary."_

_I blow out an aggravated breath and disconnect the call. No decency from me; it's too fucking early for that shit. _

_Why did I know this stupid dojo would be in Hicksville, Karakura?_

_I lumber out to my car that's parked in the three-car garage. My dad is there washing his BMW, wearing a green t-shirt and black, cut-off sweats and he's looking at me as if he's seen a ghost. His light brown hair is askew, he's sporting a five o'clock shadow and his blazing blue eyes are wide with shock._

"_What the hell are you doing outta bed at this hour?" he asks incredulously, rubbing salt in my sleep-deprived wound. _

_Did I mention I had come home from Hueco Mundo at four in the morning? Meaning I'd only been asleep for an hour and forty-five minutes before receiving Ichigo's wake-up call._

_Hence the grinch attitude._

_I grunted and growled at my dad, who only laughed and adjusted his wire-framed glasses before going back to washing his most prized possession. I took my time climbing into my car, adjusting the rear view mirror and starting the engine. I missed my Camaro that stupid fucking Cirucci totaled and turned into a useless hunk of scrap metal. I missed the growl of the engine and the awakening of over four hundred wild stallions. _

_Now, I'm forced to drive a temporary vehicle until my insurance decides to kick in._

_Whatever._

_I peel out of the drive and chuckle under my breath at my dad's furious yelling about speeding and obeying traffic laws...yeah right. _

_The sun is peeking over the horizon, obviously not in the mood to be up just yet, either, but realizing that someone has to do the job. It takes me an hour to get to Karakura from my home and once I enter the disconcertingly quiet town, I get stuck at a traffic light. I have time to go over the situation looming ahead of me._

_I've made it crystal-clear that I wanna fight Ichigo. I wanna pummel him and turn him into a limp noodle. It's also crystal-clear that Ichigo wants to fight me just as badly. He even called me at the ass-crack of dawn to do so._

_A horn blares behind me and jerks me out of my thoughts._

_Fuck, I'm going._

_Finally, I pass the school and drive three blocks. Sure enough, there's a store-front establishment sporting a black and white sign that advertises Urahara Dojo to my right. I find a parking space and grab the duffel bag I packed from the back seat of my car and head to the doors. They're made of glass, but the glass is tinted, preventing me from seeing inside._

_They're also locked._

_Can someone say deja fucking vu?_

_I'm just about to growl and stomp away when the doors are pushed open and a blond head is poked through. "Ah, Grimmjow-san?" the blond man asks, dark eyes sharp, but devilish._

_I frown, unsure of who this person is and unwilling to give away my identity to a complete stranger. I shift my stance, refusing to budge and then I hear it. "Urahara, is it him?" _

_Ichigo._

_I shove past the blond, almost knocking him on his ass and go straight for the orange-haired idiot behind him. Somehow it seems as though Ichigo is expecting that sort of action and we struggle some, until my bag puts me at a disadvantage and I'm pressed against the wall near the doors._

_Ichigo is wearing a mile-wide grin, his ginger-snap eyes are mischievous and more alive than I've ever seen them. He's wearing a black wife beater and gray basketball shorts. He smells like orange juice and soap. _

_I shove him away before something disastrous happens. _

_I'm sure you know what I mean._

_What can I say? I'm excited and sometimes that crosses into the territory of arousal._

_Ichigo stumbles back a bit, regains his balance, but just stands there eyeing me silently. I shift under his gaze, feeling a little like a specimen under a microscope before I shrug my bag from my shoulder. Now, I'm free to move around like I want. Ichigo watches my every move like a hawk and I get growly with impatience. _

_What the hell? Are we gonna fight or stare at each other all day?_

_I voice this question._

_Ichigo's smile widens._

"_What are you waiting for?" he asks._

"_Ah, well, Kurosaki-san, I'll be in my office if you need anything," the blond man that opened the door interrupted, a paper fan blocking the lower half of his face._

_Ichigo nods and the man disappears through a door at the far end of the wide, mirrored room._

_My grin is so smug, I'm sure he can taste it. No words are needed as I remove my flip flops and lunge at him. We hit the padded floor in a messy tangle of limbs, grunting and scowling. My blood is singing and my skin is on fire. _

_I love this shit._

_Then, something unexpected happens. I could have sworn I had Ichigo trapped underneath me, but suddenly, I'm rolled onto my back and pressed into the floor, unable to move an inch. I don't understand this at all. Ichigo isn't stronger than me. I know that for a fact. _

_So, why the hell can't I move?_

_Ichigo is above me, his hands splayed across my chest, his legs straddling my hips and a devious smirk curving his lips. _

_He's positively gorgeous._

_I realize that's why I'm suddenly paralyzed. It has nothing to with abnormal strength from Ichigo, or my lack thereof. It has everything to do with me being enamored and mesmerized by a pair of molten honey-brown eyes._

_Clue numero fucking dos. _

_I shake my head vigorously and my strength returns, my motor functions kick in again. I shove the smaller man off me with an exaggerated amount of force, making him hit the floor pretty hard. He rolls onto his feet nimbly, though, graceful as a ballerina._

_I scowl and jump to my feet, shifting into a fighting stance that comes almost second-nature to me. Ichigo imitates me and watches for all of two seconds before he leaps at me, quick as a cobra. I'm kind of caught off guard by his speed, but I don't let it throw me off completely. Too bad, Ichigo anticipates that and lands a gut-wrenching kick to my unprotected abdomen._

_Holy shit._

_Only the will of the kami keeps me on my feet as I clutch my mid-section and stumble to the side, trying desperately to catch my breath. Ichigo is relentless. He comes at me full of piss and vinegar again, but this time I block his leg. _

_I grab it around the calf and pull upwards. He stumbles and loses his balance, which I take full advantage of. I sweep his other foot from under him and as he's going down, I land a heavy uppercut to his chin. _

_His head snaps back and he flies through the air, landing on his back with a satisfying "whump". I'm ecstatic. My gut burns and aches, but my opponent is on his back, unmoving and I swear I feel like Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic, shouting "I'm the king of the world!". _

_Ichigo's leg twitches and my eyes widen in sheer disbelief._

_Impossible._

_He should be out cold._

_His leg twitches again, this time actually sliding into movement as it bends at the knee. He throws an arm over his face as he groans and tries to sit up. The first two attempts are unsuccessful, but on the third, he's upright and giving me a spectacular "not going down that easily" glare. Blood is trickling from the right corner of his mouth. _

_It doesn't even faze him._

_Ichigo slowly but surely climbs to his feet, swaying slightly before he's completely still and watching me like a lion watching a gazelle. _

_This shit fucking infuriates me. Ichigo has no right to be on his feet after a hit like that. Boxers didn't even manage to stay on their feet after a direct hit to the chin._

_What the hell IS this guy?_

_Anger propels my actions as I leap blindly at the red head. I swing. Wide right hook. Ichigo dodges, a grin splitting his face in two. I snarl and lunge again, this time throwing out a left hook. Again he dodges. _

_FUCK!_

_He's slippery as an eel and just as fast and it's pissing me the fuck off. I feel like I'm swatting at an annoying ass fly that just doesn't know when to quit. Ichigo laughs and it notches my fury up into the red zone. _

_I can't believe the little shit is laughing at me._

"_C'mon, Grimmjow! Can't you hit me?" he taunts, weaving his head expertly._

_I'm a snarling, raging animal, a beast let out of the cage, swinging madly and hitting nothing but air. My mom and dad have told me that I've got no patience and a short fuse. I'm finding that to be irrevocably true and I hate it._

_Ichigo has managed to wriggle under my skin quite successfully and it grinds my fucking gears. (Haha, I love that show, so sue me)_

_Anyway._

"_Fuck you, ya little asswipe! Stop fuckin' runnin', so I c'n tear ya a new one!" I rage._

_And Ichigo finds it very hilarious._

_His deep laughter echoes throughout the otherwise silent room. "Ya gotta catch me first, Grimm-jow," he sings, dancing on the balls of his feet._

_Why the hell does this prick have so much fucking energy after a hit to the chin? It's like that hit didn't even affect him in the slightest._

_Oh, kami, I'm angry. I'm so fucking angry, all I can see is red splotches dancing across my vision and all I can hear is his mocking laughter and my heavy pants. Christ. What's he done to me?_

_I leap forward again, not even sure of where I'm aiming and next thing I know, I'm going down hard from a blow to the chest. I land on my back, the air knocked clean from my lungs, aided by the kick to my chest and the abrupt meeting with the floor._

_I'm pissed and helpless to move because Ichigo is on top of me again. He has my wrists pinned to the sides of my head and the look he's giving me curls my toes. I'm softly gasping for much needed oxygen, trying to convince my lungs that the world hasn't given up on them yet as I glare murderously up at the red headed, shorter man._

_Ichigo isn't grinning anymore. He's studying me, face blank, amber eyes dancing with something I don't know how to label at the moment._

_If I was smarter, I would have realized that that was clue numero fucking tres. _

_Suddenly, it feels like the entire world has come to a complete and utter stand still as Ichigo releases my wrists and gently cups the sides of my face. My eyes get so big, I think they're gonna fall right outta my head. _

_I don't know what the fuck to do here except stare at him, captured by his riveting gaze. His eyes soften, become something thick and warm. He's straddling my hips, his firm bottom pressed to my...well, yeah, you know. Bad enough he's in that spot to begin with, but now, the look he's giving me, added to the rapidly declining amount of space between our faces, has my stomach doing the cabbage patch and that knucklehead in my shorts getting excited._

_Fuck, fuck, fuck..._

_What the fuck is Ichigo doing?_

_And then...I think I've died and am touring purgatory because Ichigo has his soft, full lips connected to mine and my breath is refusing to go past my throat, stuck in limbo. _

_My eyes are shot-put discs. _

_Ichigo has his pretty, brown eyes closed, his long, dark lashes sweeping his cheeks. _

_Kami, what the hell am I thinking?_

_Ichigo is kissing me. _

_Shit._

_I'm still frozen in place, swinging indecisively between punching him in his face and...kissing him back. _

_I guess you can figure out what I did._

_I threw sanity to the wind, grabbed the back of his orange head and kissed the hell outta him. _

_Tongue and all._

_I have no idea, to this day, what the fuck came over me, but I can tell you this..._

_Ichigo is a really good kisser._

_His tongue writhes in my mouth, lighting a fire in my loins as I battle him back. I'm not about to submit to him in this. No fucking way. I tighten my hold in his hair and grunt, usurping his will to fight._

_I grin into the kiss, triumphant. I've won the dominance war and Ichigo is finally complacent, turning to putty in my hands._

_Then...he fucking whimpers and I don't know what to do with that. If Ichigo was a chick, things would be different. He would be underneath me, taking all eight inches of my -_

_Oh. _

_Shit._

_I was seriously just thinking of fucking the dog shit outta him._

_What the hell is going on in my head? Bad enough I'm kissing him._

_Kami, but it feels fucking AWESOME._

_Ichigo is grinding against my lower half and I'm trying not to buck my hips and rub him harder against my shuddering dick. _

_Oh, yeah._

_I'm hard as hell and Ichigo is torturing me._

_Finally, I can't take it because he's just run his surprisingly soft hand over my taut nipple. It's nearly cutting through the fabric of my shirt, it's so hard._

_I'm a simmering volcano on the brink of eruption and Ichigo is forcing my hand. _

_I shove him away and he lands backwards on his ass, his face a mixture of confusion and mortification. I'm sure my expression mirrors it as I sit up and stare at him. _

_Silence reigns supreme and all I can do is wonder what the hell made Ichigo kiss me like that._

_Is he gay?_

_Does he think I'M gay?_

_Sheesh._

_I can't even get angry at him because I DID kiss him back, but I'm uncomfortable in his presence, so I stand, slowly gather my bag and head for the door, mid-section still aching and chest still on fire._

"_G-Grimmjow, I'm sorry! I-I-" Ichigo stutters and the look on his face is frightened and helpless._

_He looks like he's gonna cry._

_I don't like that, so I turn and face him fully. "Whataya want me ta say, Ichigo?"_

_Crap. That's not what I meant to say at all._

_Ichigo bites his kiss-swollen bottom lip and stares at the blue, padded floor of the dojo, tension practically thick enough to slice with a plastic spoon. When he looks up at me, nut-brown eyes glistening ominously, my chest constricts and all my air is sapped. _

"_I'm sorry. I-" he starts. I cut him off._

"_Don' cry," I growl, hating myself for being the cause of his distress. "I jus' need ta think, yeah?"_

_His face isn't so crestfallen anymore, but his eyes still hold that wet look, "You're not pissed with me?" _

_I look away, shame crawling over me like a second skin. How could I be pissed with HIM, when I kissed him back?_

"_Nah, I ain't pissed wit' ya, Ichigo. I jus' gotta think an' I'll get back ta ya, OK?" I mumble, trying to ease my way out of the dojo without starting World War III. _

_Ichigo gives me this look that screams skeptical, but then he nods and walks away in the other direction. His shoulders are hunched in defeat and it makes me sick to my fucking stomach. I don't like seeing him that way._

_I leave the dojo and sit in my car for over a half an hour, just thinking._

_Ichigo kissed me. I kissed him back. I liked it. Truth be told, I would definitely do it again._

_I drive off with entirely too much on my mind and praying that I make it home safely._

**XxxxxxX**

_(sigh) _

_This is where you're gonna get mad and disappointed in me. I know you've noticed the date of this entry by now and it's not a fluke. It really is days later and this is the first time I've seen Ichigo since the dojo incident. _

_I avoided him. _

_I know. I told him I would think about it and let him know what I came up with, but you've gotta understand...I kissed a guy. I've never even thought about guys like that before. _

_Not until Ichigo, anyway._

_It fucked with me. Hell, it still does._

_So, I avoided Ichigo like he was the black plague._

_I was wrong for it, but...(sigh) I don't even know._

_I came to class today and as soon as I stepped foot inside, not only did Kenpachi tear me a new one, but I could feel Ichigo's gaze boring holes into me. I could fucking taste his anger and frustration like it was a shot of whiskey._

_That's why I can't sit still. That's why I can't stop thinking about him._

_I know you're wondering, "Well, Grimm-idiot, what DID you come up with?", right?_

_Yeah, I know._

_Well, I came up with three things._

_One: I think I might be gay, or at the very least, bisexual._

_Two: It doesn't bother me the way I thought it would or should._

_Three: I need to apologize to Ichigo because I want him._

_Badly._

_Shit, class is over. We'll talk again._

_Later, fucking "journal"..._

_~Grimm_


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Bleach...

Onwards...

XOXOXO

_June 15th, 2011_

_Thursday_

_7:35 pm_

_Today was pretty useless. _

_I went to work, as usual, glad that I wouldn't have to see that formidable brick building again until Monday morning, since tomorrow the building is being installed with central air. It's about fucking time too, if you ask me. I was wondering when the higher-ups were going to step into the twenty-first century, rather than continue using the huge, industrial air conditioners that make more noise than a freight train and circulate strange-smelling air currents._

_Chado gave me a look that told me he hadn't forgotten about our talk the other day and was still waiting for some type of response. Being him, though, he wouldn't ask again, until I was ready to speak on the matter myself._

_How generous of him, yes?_

_I've been thinking about it nonstop, actually. Like, where the hell did things change? I've been attracted to women my whole life...mostly. I mean, sure I've seen some pretty good-looking guys in my day, but I've never reacted to them the way I do with Grimmjow. Minus the little scene with Shuuhei back in high school. Back then, I was still a kid, still learning how to deal with my body and its evolution. Once I was grown, however, I never had that problem again. I saw a good-looking guy, thought he was handsome and kept the fuck on stepping._

_But now..._

_Grimmjow has managed to make me question my sexuality in ways that make me more than a little uncomfortable. I mean, I don't understand. He's a GUY. I'm a GUY. Not saying there's anything wrong with two guys being together because I have nothing against homosexuality, but faced with the issue personally? It vexes me. _

_After talking with Chado, I've come to the slow realization that I do harbor something for the same sex. _

_Just today, I found myself staring a little too long at Renji's legs. They're long and muscular and covered with fine, red hairs that do nothing to detract from their appeal. Then, I couldn't help but travel the rest of the red head's body as he stalked towards his seat before class started. Renji is pretty sexy in his own way. He's tall, built with an athlete's perfect musculature, has long, bright red hair that he wears either down over his broad shoulders, or up in a ponytail. Then, of course, there's his voice, which is deep and rich, not quite as bone-melting as Grimmjow's, but pretty effective all the same. _

_I had to shake my head to keep from looking at him any longer. Hopefully, Renji hadn't noticed, or we'd probably be the next pair fighting in class. Kenpachi already thinks Grimmjow and I are the class troublemakers and that sucks. I kind of wanted to blend into the background here until my time was up. Unfortunately, thanks to a certain blue-haired asshole, that has become impossible._

_Nnoitra keeps eyeing me like he wants to test my ability to fight and even though the thought fills me with anxiety, I ignore it. That would only be one more problem I would have to deal with. No fucking thank you. I have my hands filled dealing with Senor Prick sitting across from me. Kenpachi made him switch seats with Ikkaku, "Just in case you still got some hostility and shit towards each other." _

_His words, not mine._

_I'm actually pretty grateful. I don't think I can handle sitting right beside Grimmjow at the moment. Today he's wearing a gray, sleeveless tank and a pair of burnt orange basketball shorts. He's got gray flip flops on his feet and kami, I can't keep my eyes off him. His bright blue hair looks like he's been standing in a hurricane, but it suits him._

_I really like his extra long and unruly sideburns._

_I don't even cringe at the thought anymore._

_His startlingly blue eyes that had been focused on Kenpachi, shift over to me and I swear my breath freezes like he's got a gun pointed at me. I stare back, helpless to tear away my gaze, but he doesn't really seem to mind. He gives me that arresting grin and turns back to the hulking group leader, who has obviously noticed the visual exchange between me and Grimmjow._

_Kenpachi looks at me, then over at Grimmjow and shakes his head slightly as if he knows something we don't. _

_Kami, I hope he doesn't._

_The rest of the class passes in much the same fashion. I can't keep my eyes off Grimmjow, but he doesn't seem to realize why I'm staring at him. He's probably more excited about getting the chance to fight me again. _

_I don't care. _

_I'm glad he doesn't see through my looks._

_Nothing interesting happened in class. Kenpachi yelled at Nnoitra for giving Yachiru candy, Toshiro wrote his secretary up for misconduct (he wasn't really clear on the sort of misconduct, though), Hiyori complained about her older brother, Shinji, saying he just gets on her nerves so much and Renji and Rukia argued about something called Chappy the Bunny._

_Blah, blah, blah._

_Like I said, nothing interesting._

_Class is over. Til next time, then._

_Ichigo~_

XOXOXO

_June 19th, 2011_

_Monday_

_7:40 pm_

_My life is over._

_I can't fucking believe I did what I did on Friday._

_I can't fucking believe it._

_I wanna die and crawl into someone's hole, never to resurface for the rest of my miserable, pathetic life._

_First of all, where did I leave off in here?_

_Right._

_Reading Thursday's entry confirms it._

_I am gay. _

_No, probably bisexual because I still find women somewhat hot, just not as much as I used to. _

_Guess I should fill you in, huh? _

_Well, Friday, I may have made the biggest mistake any man could make. I mean, just thinking about it makes me wanna throw up and hide in a corner somewhere, but at the same time, fills my gut with annoying little butterflies. I look back at that day with equal amounts of mortification and arousal._

_Long story short, I called Grimmjow (remember he gave me his number that day outside my job?) and told him to meet me at my old man's best friend's dojo. It's not far from where we have our anger management classes. _

_I expected to get hung up on considering the time I called him. I know most people aren't up at five-thirty in the morning, but hey, I'm an early riser and I always hit the dojo whenever I have the day off. I figured, why not just invite Grimmjow along? It would nicely kill two birds with one stone._

_Grimmjow didn't hang up on me like I fully expected him to, but he did scream at me, his voice entirely too sexy at such an early hour. He agreed to meet me, though, and I remember waiting anxiously at Urahara's dojo._

_Fast forward a bit more to the part where Grimmjow arrives and we immediately start scuffling. He's obviously not a morning person and is intent on getting that point across. One thing Grimmjow doesn't realize is that he may be stronger than I am by brute force, but I know I'm much faster and more experienced. Hell, I spent years practicing martial arts with my old man. Grimmjow had only managed to catch me off guard the last time, not to mention I had been a a little distracted at the time. I had my pride to redeem here._

_Which is exactly what I did._

_Don't get me wrong, Grimmjow did get in a nice uppercut that would have left me plastered to the mat, but luckily, I managed to follow through with the hit, softening the blow and diverting it just to the side of my jaw, rather than directly on my chin. From the moment I climbed back to my feet, Grimmjow had transformed into a snarling beast. _

_He had been pissed that I had gotten back up and that once I did, he couldn't put me back down. His blue eyes were like fiery diamonds, sparkling angrily the more I egged him on and truthfully, it turned me on with a helluva vengeance. _

_We went on like that for a bit, me dodging everything he threw out and him extravagantly missing everything he tried to hit me with. I could see him getting more and more pissed, until I figured it was time to stop playing cat and mouse and put him on his ass with a kick to his sternum. I didn't kick him hard enough to break anything, but it did temporarily disable him, which had been my intent._

_When he went down on his back, I followed him, keeping him pinned to the cushioned floor and I swear on everything crunchy, that's ALL I had meant to do!_

_But...well...shit happens and then you die, right?_

_While I'd been on top of the fuming, blue-haired man, I started noticing how good being in that spot felt. I noticed how impossibly blue his eyes were and how they weren't just one shade of blue like I'd originally thought. They were a myriad of blues and the swirling colors mesmerized me. Then, I took note of his heaving body underneath mine and I guess it was just too much. Something overwhelmed me and made me frame his face with my hands and..._

_Yes, I surely did._

_I kissed Grimmjow._

_And I enjoyed the hell out of it._

_Kami, the man kissed my toes into curling._

_I'll never ever forget for the rest of my life the way Grimmjow tasted. It had been a mixture of peppermint toothpaste and just...him. You know the way people have unique smells? I'm sure that goes for tastes too and I had been lucky enough to experience Grimmjow's. I found myself getting more and more into the kiss, pressing down against him as he gripped the back of my head (which shocked the hell outta me at first) and feeling the steady hardening of his length against my inner thigh._

_Then it stopped._

_Grimmjow pushed me away and gave me this look...this look that told me everything I needed to know. So, like an idiot, I sat there on my ass and watched as Grimmjow wordlessly climbed to his feet and gathered his things. _

_I have never felt lower in my life._

_I was humiliated. I was mortified. But mostly, I was just AFRAID._

_I hadn't meant to kiss Grimmjow, but I would do it again in a heartbeat if given half the chance. _

_Anyway, Grimmjow wouldn't look at me and I could only imagine what had been going through his mind. I hadn't wanted him to think I was some freak, so tripping over my words, I had tried to apologize to him with the intent to never show my face at anger management again, prison time be damned._

_But then, he had given me something unexpected._

_Hope._

_It was frightfully small, but it was there and any amount of hope feels like a ton in certain situations. That had definitely qualified as one of those situations._

_After that, Grimmjow had left and so had I. I didn't go to class and something tells me Grimmjow didn't either._

_He's not here today._

_This fact doesn't really surprise me, but it is disappointing. _

_Saturday, I called Chado and told him EVERYTHING. From the conversation I had with Grimmjow when we first met, to the incident at the dojo. Chado had listened quietly, his facial expression the same throughout my entire speech and when I finished, holding my breath and wondering what the hell he was thinking, Chado gave me his "it's OK, Ichigo" grin and everything fell into place._

_I DID NOT cry._

_Sunday, I slept in, wondering what Grimmjow would say to me. Would he curse me the fuck out? He'd said he wasn't pissed with me, but who's to say that hadn't changed over the weekend? _

_I'm still a bit confused about everything, still afraid. So far, only Chado knows my secret. I'm not in a big hurry to tell anyone else._

_Class is over. Gotta go._

_Til next time._

_Ichigo~_

XOXOXO

_June 20th, 2011_

_Tuesday_

_7:52 pm_

_I'm starting to worry._

_Grimmjow hasn't shown his face at class yet and he hasn't tried to contact me yet, either. I don't wanna call him and make him feel under pressure, but the suspense is fucking killing me. He told me he would think about things. Did his absence mean he was still thinking things over? _

_Or did it mean he HAD thought things over and had come to the conclusion that he wasn't interested? _

_I haven't been this confused since I found out about girls and their periods. I never did quite understand their need to bleed for several days at a time, every single month._

_What baffles me even further, is the fact that Grimmjow kissed me back. I mean, sure, I kissed him first, but he could have pushed me away THEN, instead of kissing me back. Does that mean he wants me, too? Somewhat?_

_Fucking hell._

_I don't know what to think anymore. I just wish the blue-haired idiot would show himself and SAY something! This shit is stressful! It's bad enough that I'm still new to this whole liking my own gender thing and now I have to deal with Grimmjow's mysteriousness as well. _

_Well, I guess that part is mostly my fault. I did kiss him._

_But he kissed me too!_

_We were both in it together, no matter how much Grimmjow may not like it._

_Kenpachi has just informed us that next week will be our last week in anger management._

_I wonder if I'll see Grimmjow again before then?_

_Til next time._

_Ichigo~_

XOXOXO

_June 21st, 2011_

_Wednesday_

_6:49 pm_

_This has gotten fucking ridiculous._

_Is it too much to ask that Grimmjow give me a call? Let me know SOMETHING?_

_This is the third day he hasn't shown his face and it's getting under my skin. I know I shouldn't have kissed him and I know this is a touchy situation, but even still...one phone call wouldn't hurt. Even if it was just to say, "Hey, still thinking, but I'll get back to you soon."_

_Am I being unreasonable?_

_Sometimes I feel like I am, but most times I'm just pissed that I haven't heard anything from him. I don't know what's going on with him either. Is he OK? Has something happened? Is he really just at home thinking, or is he...dead somewhere? _

_The thought does nasty things to my gut, so I push it aside._

_I haven't paid attention in class since last week Thursday and I don't see that changing until Grimmjow brings his ass back to class._

_IF Grimmjow brings his ass back to class._

_I wonder what he does for a living, where he works. I'm contemplating combing the streets for the blue-haired man, when I realize how utterly ridiculous I'm being. I feel distinctly stalkerish and it makes me cringe. I also realize I'm only having inward hissy fits because I wanna see him. It has nothing – well, no, that's not true. The fact that the situation we're in is quite serious and tricky, has something to do with my mood, but it has nothing on how badly I just wanna see that angular face, those mischievous multi-blue eyes, that wide, infectious grin, and that riotous bright blue hair._

_I miss being around him and soaking up his aura._

_You could say Grimmjow is the sun and I'm a sunflower. It sounds sappy, but it's true. He exudes so much energy, whether it be negative or otherwise, it's always abundant, and I can't seem to get enough of it, even though we've only known each other for a short time. _

_I feel like face palming. I sound like a teenager in love for the very first time._

_This pisses me the fuck off because while I'm pining away for Grimmjow, he's out doing kami knows what, without a care in the world. _

_Asshole. _

_I don't really have much to say today and Kenpachi wants to leave early. Says he has a date._

_So, til next time._

_Ichigo~_

XOXOXO

_June 22nd, 2011_

_Thursday_

_7:45 pm_

_He's here._

_Grimmjow has finally resurfaced and kami, he looks so good._

_I don't know whether to be angry with him, or just stare at him until class is over (Kenpachi doesn't have that problem, since he's chewing him the hell out for missing so many days). He's got on a black, short-sleeved polo shirt, hunter green board shorts and black, low-top Converse sneakers. The buttons of his shirt are undone and revealing his collarbone and tanned skin. His bright blue hair is in that style I love, that makes him look like the devil's incarnate, but his kaleidoscopic blue eyes aren't mischievous._

_They're nervous, agitated and all together unsettled, focused on his journal. He looks harassed and I know it's because of me._

_I try not to let that thought bother me, but it does and I feel my stomach starting to do cartwheels._

_And then, his eyes leave the book in his lap and settle on mine and I swear I can hear thunder, that's how ominous his eyes are. Grimmjow looks haunted and I can just tell that there won't be any good news coming from him. This makes my gut churn even more, until I can't even look at him anymore._

_I want to._

_I just can't._

_I can't say I didn't expect this, but at the same time, it still hurts, ya know? That stupid little blossom of hope in my chest has backfired and now, I'm dealing with the aftermath._

_This is what I get for doing something without thinking first._

_Til next time._

_Ichigo~_


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER 6**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Bleach...

Onwards...

XOXOXO

_July 4th, 2011_

_Wednesday_

_2:15 am_

_I know you're probably looking at the date and time and wondering what the fuck is going on, so I'll explain. It's about two weeks since the last time I actually wrote in this thing and I've gotta say, although it feels strange, I've gotten used to writing down my thoughts. _

_That dumbass anger management class is finito and it feels good not to worry about attending. Plus, I'm rid of that headache, Luppi. I'm rambling, I hope you know that. I'm just sitting here trying to figure out how I'm going to explain what's happened since the last time we chatted. _

_Alright, so yeah. The class is over, the group leader, Kenpachi sending us off with hopes to never see our "ugly mugs" again. My classmates/group-mates - whatever - were just as happy to be done with that place as I was. But that's just me judging from the looks on their faces. Anyway, Kenpachi also made us keep our journals. Told us it'd be good to make it a habit of writing down our feelings. Funny enough, I agree. There's nothing like sharing my deep, dark shit with something that won't respond or judge. Liberating, in a sense._

_Again, anyway._

_The last time I wrote in here, I was flipping out about my situation with Ichigo. Looking back at my words, it's pretty damned funny. It was hard to believe that I was actually attracted to a guy. For at least a week after I returned to class, just the thought of Ichigo made my hands all clammy and shit. I avoided him like he was on fire and I know that was fucked up, but like I said: I was flipping out. I didn't know how to handle my attraction._

_Ichigo gave me these looks of anger, hope, and then defeat during that week, and all of them made me feel like crap. I hated that I'd put those looks there, but at the time, I hadn't known how to fix shit. Then one day last week, my old man - of all people - approached me, asking me why I was so jumpy and on edge. I'd been snippy with him and my mom and I guess they'd wanted some type of explanation for the odd behavior. _

_Shit, I didn't know what the hell to tell him. "Hey, Dad, I kissed a guy...and I liked it. What do I do now?" No fucking way. But of course, like parents have a tendency to do, he'd seen right through my flustered denials of anything being wrong._

_"You look like you just swallowed a bug," my dad said._

_I laughed, trying to disguise the deer caught in headlights expression I was wearing. No good. My dad was all over it and drumming his fingernails against the kitchen table top, his blue eyes impatient. I coughed behind my hand. I could think of absolutely nothing to tell my father. I was seated at the table across from him, nursing a mug of hot chocolate - with the marshmallows! Can't have hot chocolate without those. _

_Anyway._

_From my vantage point, my dad's glasses were slipping down his straight nose and his brown hair was curling over his high brow. He always made me nervous when he wore that serious face and if that wasn't enough to have me shitting bricks, fate decided to add the cherry on top. My mom walked into the kitchen with a loud yawn, bright blue hair tied back in a bun that rested against the nape of her neck._

_Great._

_"Have you asked him already, Jake?" she casually asked my dad._

_"I'm waiting for him to grow a pair and just tell me why he's been acting more of an ass than usual lately," my dad drawled._

_I swallowed and lowered my eyes to the table. What was I supposed to do? I was too flustered, too out of sorts to explain myself coherently, so what I ended up doing was blurting it out like word vomit._

"_I kissed a guy in my anger management class."_

_Silence. A very long, very pregnant silence. I still had my eyes glued to the kitchen table until my mom cleared her throat. When I looked up, she was wearing a mysterious grin that made my insides curl up into a tight little knot. I took a chance and glanced at my dad and wanted to wither up and disappear. His face was slack with shock, eyebrows almost reaching the vaulted ceiling. I swallowed again. Well, that hadn't worked out the way I'd planned it to, but the cat was surely out of the bag now. Only option was to wait it out._

_Finally, my old man cleared his throat as well and adjusted his glasses on the bridge of his nose. "Son, would you like to elaborate?"_

_Damn._

"_I...I..."_

"_Take your time, Sweety," my mom chimed in gently._

_I took a deep breath and dove right in. "I met him at class. Uh, at first, we didn't get along; we actually had a fight the first day." _

_My dad frowned his disapproval, but remained silent. I cleared my throat nervously and continued. It was hard with my parents staring me down like detectives in an interrogation room, however, but I managed._

"_We, uh, after that, we met again outside of class by that store over where Gin lives. He looked like he was leaving work or something, so I went up to him. I just wanted to invite him to a little friendly sparring, you know?"_

"_Grimmjow, honey. You know any sparring with you is never 'friendly'," my mother interjected._

_I grimaced as I gave a short nod. She was right. I didn't know the meaning of a "friendly spar"; never had and probably never will. I'd wanted to fight Ichigo again and that had been that. Forget letting it blow off steam. That had merely been an excuse to get my hands on that orange-haired brat again. I'd just wanted to settle the score without any interruption. Luckily, Ichigo had eaten it up like his favorite meal._

"_Yeah, well, he agreed to meeting elsewhere for a match at a later date. We went our separate ways and that was that. I mean, we saw each other in class and everything, but with the promise of fighting each other again, we didn't have to worry about erupting in front of everyone. I did kind of notice he was looking at me a little too much, but I brushed it off. Maybe he was just trying to gather information. I know I was. Anyway, I think it was a Saturday. Dad, you, uh, you remember? I was __leaving early in the morning and you were out washing your car?"_

_My dad nodded slowly as if he were afraid to answer. He looked like a man sitting strapped into an electric chair._

"_I was going to meet him. I was pissed it was so early, but figured the extra anger could help me kick his ass once and for all. So, I get there and he's waiting. I don't even speak, I just get right into fighting. Only thing is, he caught me off guard because he was faster and a lot better than what I'd anticipated. I underestimated him," I said, absently noting the slightly wistful tone of my voice._

_I think my mom picked up on it, though, because she smiled and went around the table to stand beside my father. She placed a hand on his shoulder and nodded her head for me to continue while my dad just sat frozen like an ice cube, blue eyes slicing into me like a box cutter._

_Again, I cleared my throat and went on. "So, we fought and...well, I lost. Pretty badly, too. I think Ichigo has some-"_

"_Ichigo?" my dad blurted. "What kind of name is Ichigo for a boy?"_

_My mother squeezed his shoulder, her wide smile never faltering. "Jake, stop. Let Grimmjow speak. And be nice. But Grimm, Honey, is that really his name or just a nickname?"_

"_That's his name," I answered. "It's the reason we got into a fight the first day of class; I didn't believe that was his name, either."_

_My dad started to say something, but my mom squeezed his shoulder again, making him press his lips together._

"_So, um, yeah. Where was I again?"_

"_Ichigo must have had something. You lost the fight," my mom offered._

"_Oh yeah. Well, I was saying, I think Ichigo had some type of martial arts training or something because he kicked my ass pretty easily, and that's rare."_

"_So just get to the part where you kissed him already," my father snapped, pouting. _

"_Jake," my mom admonished._

"_What? I want to know. How the hell did you go from getting your ass kicked to kissing the guy that did the kicking?"_

_I wanted to laugh at the incredulous look on my father's face, but knew it would only dig my grave for me, so instead, I finished the tale._

"_Well, he kicked me in the chest and that put me down. When I was down...he, uh...he...sort of...straddled me and held me down."_

_My dad's eyebrows went to the roof this time, but so did my mom's. Her dark blue eyes were wide and round as she stared at me. _

_I rushed on. "While he was there, we just gave each other these angry looks and then...Ichigo, he, uh. See, he... Well, his eyes went all soft and shit and next thing I know, he's kissing me. In the beginning, all I could do was sit there. I was surprised, you know? But...then it started to feel kind of nice, so I kissed him back."_

_Absolute quiet._

_The only sounds in the kitchen were the sounds of my anxious breathing and the hum of the refrigerator. I was terrified. What would my parents think of me? What would my dad do? What would they say? WHAT WOULD MY DAD DO? I gave him a surreptitious glance and was floored. He was smiling. It was creepy._

"_So, this Ichigo boy started it, then?" he asked, breaking the tense silence._

_I nodded. "Yeah, but I continued it. I didn't have to do that!"_

_Little did I know, I was only adding fuel to the fire. I should have just kept my trap shut and let my dad think this whole thing was Ichigo's fault. But I couldn't. I'd played a big part in that kiss too and I couldn't tarnish Ichigo's image. I didn't want my dad thinking he was some man-kissing pervert or something._

_Suddenly, my mom laughed. "Grimmjow, you're so cute!"_

"_What?" I frowned, aghast._

"_This wasn't just an experiment. You really like this Ichigo fellow, huh?"_

_I paused. Did I? I'd been avoiding Ichigo like the plague for the past week because I had no idea what to say to him. I didn't know how to approach him; I didn't even know how I was supposed to look at him again. But...maybe it was because I really did like him? I scowled, confused. I didn't know what to think._

"_I don't know," I grumbled, picking at invisible lint on the sleeve of my t-shirt. _

_I absolutely refused to look at my dad. I had no idea what kind of expression I would find there, and I wasn't really willing to discover it. However, his voice made me look up at him._

"_So, does this mean you're gay?"_

_I froze, eyes helplessly glued to the man that sired me. That was my line, wasn't it? I had no idea what it meant. All I knew was that I'd kissed Ichigo back when he'd kissed me, and I'd liked it. I liked it so much, I wanted to do it again. I didn't mind the fact that he was a guy too much, actually. Plus, it was a bonus that Ichigo loved fighting just as much as I did. You see what I mean by being completely confused? At times I liked Ichigo, but others I was left wondering what I was supposed to do. What it all meant._

"_Am I gay?" I parroted. _

_My father arched a brow. "You're deaf now?" he asked sarcastically._

_I sighed and shook my head in resignation. Hell, I'd come this far, I might as well go all the way. "I don't think I'm gay, but...I might be bisexual? Or maybe, I just like Ichigo? Damn, Dad, I don't know!"_

_My mother left my father's side and came over to stand next to me. Her eyes were gentle when I raised my head to give her my attention. She ran her small hand through my untamed hair and I felt like a kid again. I wanted to lean into the touch and cuddle up against her, absorbing her warmth and love. _

"_Honey, it's OK. You do what you want. Whatever it is, we're here for you."_

_I frowned and peered at my dad from the corner of my eye. Did he feel the same way? Or was it just my mom extending the arms of support? I couldn't get any answers from his expression because it was curiously blank. That was depressing. I turned my focus back to my mom and rustled up a smile._

"_Thanks, Mom," I whispered. _

_She nodded and hugged me and I climbed from my seat, prepared to leave the kitchen and think on what I should do about the Ichigo situation. _

"_Son."_

_I abruptly stopped, my father's authoritative voice arresting me. I didn't turn around because I didn't want to see the look of anger or disapproval that was sure to be there. _

"_Look at me, boy!" he barked. _

_Shit. When my dad got like that, it was like a zombie apocalypse: scary as hell. I slowly pivoted in place and met my father's stern glare._

"_Stop being a coward," he growled. "If you like the boy, go and tell him. You're MY son and MY son doesn't run and hide from his feelings."_

_I let out a deep sigh of relief, a smirk blossoming across my face. I was glad my dad hadn't snapped and kicked me out, or worse yet, disowned me. I nodded and gave him a sharp salute._

"_Yes, Sir."_

_That day turned everything around for me._

_I'll give you the rest blow by blow, let you feel what I was feeling when things finally came to a head between me and Ichigo._

_Fast forward a couple more days and I find my self consumed with thoughts of an orange-haired spitfire. I want to see him. I want to tell him that I DO like him. That I should have told him that the day I came back to class. I mean, I could. I have his number. It would be so easy just to hit his name and press the connect button. However, when I start to do it, I chicken out. Why? Because I begin envisioning how Ichigo looked at me during class after I started avoiding him and it makes my stomach hurt. Guilt swallows me whole and regret pitches me in the dark. I doubt myself and it's annoying. I've never doubted myself when it really mattered. Not to mention, my father's parting words haunt me like a specter. I AM his son and I have a responsibility to uphold his reputation and image. In other words: I can't let my old man down._

_Get it together._

_So, I bite the bullet and call Ichigo up. The phone rings and rings and rings until it's finally answered by voice mail. The sound of Ichigo's voice makes my gut flip out, butterflies all over the place, but it isn't the man himself, so I hang up before the beep sounds. What to do now? I feel like an immense failure. I should have left him a message at least, so he would know to call me back. But then again, wouldn't he do that when he sees the missed call? It makes sense, so I leave it at that._

_Hours crawl by with me babysitting my cell, pacing past it every few minutes, just to see if the orange-haired man has called me back. He hasn't. At first, I'm worried. So, I do the logical thing and give him a call back. The phone rings and rings again, voice mail picking it up and Ichigo's voice telling me to leave a message after the tone._

_No. I don't want to leave a fucking message._

_I toss my phone on the bed and glare at it, like that'll make Ichigo call me back. Unsurprisingly, it doesn't. Now, I'm not only frustrated, but I'm edging towards pissed. Then, I calm down. Maybe he's working? It's a Friday afternoon, so maybe he just CAN'T answer the phone. I take a seat on my bed and grab my phone, bringing up the text message application. I type up a quick note and send it off. There. No one I know can't answer a text while at work._

_I sit and wait. And wait. And wait some more. A whole fucking hour disappears and I STILL HAVEN'T HEARD FROM HIM. Yes, by now, I'm sure you can tell I'm HIGHLY upset. I pick up my phone and call again, this time leaving an angry message when he doesn't answer YET AGAIN._

"_Hey! Answer your phone already!"_

_I hang up and toss the phone down beside me, agitated and running my hand through my hair. What the hell? Why didn't Ichigo just pick up the phone? If he was working, he could easily send a text. Wasn't that hard. Suddenly, my phone screams the lyrics to "Shake It" and flustered, I grab it, disappointed when I see it's only a text. Probably Gin reminding me that we have to work tonight. I open it up and almost drop my phone when I see Ichigo's name under the sender._

Fuck. You.

_The smile disappears from my face and morphs into a snarl. What the hell is this? I'm so pissed, my hands start shaking as I try to type up my reply._

Hey! I'm tryin' 2 talk 2 u! At least give me that.

_There. I'm not used to being logical, and it hurts my brain. I sit and wait, hoping Ichigo will just be cool and give me a call so we can discuss things._

_No. I receive another text message._

Excuse me? When I waite talk 2 me for how long? Screw u. And leave me alone, I'm working.

_Really now? I hadn't thought of that. I kind of conveniently forgot that I had left Ichigo hanging while I'd been avoiding him and trying to figure out my own emotions. So, not only did I have some discussion time ahead of me, I also had some apologizing to do. Great. Just another thing I'm not good at. I start to type up another message, then thought about it. If I tell Ichigo I want to see him, he'll dodge me. I know where he works. I hate to look like a stalker, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Time to throw on the war paint, so to speak. _

_I slip into a pair of white and gray basketball shorts and a white tee, then almost fall down the stairs, rushing to my car. My dad is in the kitchen as I pass through to get to the garage and when our eyes meet, he smirks._

"_Go get 'im, Son. And when you do, bring him here so I can take a look at him."_

"_No way," I immediately respond. "You'll scare him to death. Ya feel like cleaning piss from the floor?"_

"_Not really."_

"_Well, then I ain't bringing him here."_

"_Yes, you are!" my mom's voice comes in from the pantry._

_I hadn't even known she was in there. She comes out wearing a yellow apron and there's flour covering it and her hands. _

"_If you don't bring him, I won't feed you anymore. You'll have to survive on take-out for the rest of your life."_

"_Mom!" I gasp. That's below the belt. Downright dirty. Evil woman. "That's not fair! You KNOW I can't cook!"_

"_Well, I believe there's some negotiating that needs to be done, then."_

_My dad cackled from his spot at the kitchen table and it just made me feel like I was being double-teamed._

"_You guys suck," I grumble and head for the door. Before I step out, I turn back with a wide grin. "If I bring him, you'll make me an apple pie? With whipped cream and ice cream on the side?"_

_My mom grinned back and gave me a thumbs up. "Sure will!"_

"_Cool."_

_I leave, my spirits high and determination in the sky._

_I remember the building I'd seen Ichigo leaving before because it's across the street from a store that I like to frequent whenever I'm visiting Gin. So I park on the street and wait. I look up at the tall building through my car window and sigh. It's hot as hell, but thankfully, I have air conditioning. I'm starting to regret coming here so hastily. One look at the clock tells me I have at least another two hours before Ichigo will emerge from the brick building and it depresses me. What can I do? I don't want to leave on the off chance that he'd come out early, but I also don't want to sit there waiting like a true stalker. I twiddled my thumbs, feeling like an idiot as I glance back and forth between the steering wheel and the building. Twenty minutes go by and I can't take it anymore._

_I shut off the car and lock it up before stalking across the street to the building's entrance. The heat hits me like an armored truck, but it only lasts for a few seconds before I go inside and the air cools me back down. I walk up to the front desk, a cheery orange-haired girl staring me down. Her face goes red and she flusters around, smoothing her hair and smiling nervously._

"_Hi, can I help you find something?"_

_I nod. "Where's Kurosaki?"_

"_Uh, Ichigo-san? He-he works on the fifteenth floor, in the advertising department. DO you have an appointment to see him?"_

"_No, I just need to see him. It's kind of important. Sort of a family emergency," I lie smoothly._

_What can I say? I'm good at things like that._

"_Oh, OK. Well, I'll just write you a pass and you can go right up."_

"_Thanks, uh, Inoue?"_

"_Aha, yeah. And it's no problem."_

_I wait, grin stretching my mouth from ear to ear while Inoue quickly scratches out a pass for me. She hands me the little square badge and smiles some more. _

"_I hope everything is OK," she says._

_I nod shortly and clip the badge to the collar of my shirt. "Yeah, it'll be fine. Thanks again."_

_With that I march right to the elevators and hit the call button. While I'm waiting, a huge brunet comes up behind me and waits as well. His wavy hair covers his left eye and he's quite frankly, rather intimidating. He's bigger than me in all aspects: taller and heftier. That's saying something since I consider myself bigger than most Japanese guys anyway._

_The elevator doors open and we troop inside. He positions himself against the wall and waits for me to press the button to what floor I'm going to. So, I do. I tap the number fifteen and he grins secretly, which disturbs me into speaking._

"_Why're you smiling like that?"_

_But he doesn't speak. He just grins some more and continues watching me. This makes me uncomfortable. I'm already dealing with attraction from one man; I don't really need it from someone else. With that in mind, I turn away from the guy and try my best to ignore him. The elevator hitches a few times like it's about to stop, which makes me incredibly nervous. See, I don't really like elevators. I'm afraid I might get stuck in one one day and the thought sends chills rocketing through my body. Please don't stop right now. Not with me in the same car as a creepy giant. Please._

_Someone hears my prayers because the elevator doesn't get stuck. We stop on the fifteenth floor and the silent giant lets me step out first before following behind me. This is so wrong. Why the fuck is this guy trailing me? Is he security? Is he making sure I go where my badge says I'm headed or what? Since he hasn't said anything to me so far, I keep ignoring him and go to the room indicated on the badge. Room 5181._

_The door is open, so I stroll through it. Oh my God, it's horrendous. The walls are a bright yellow and the carpet is red. Like fresh blood red. It's disconcerting. There is a nice distraction on the left side of the room, however. Floor to ceiling windows stretch across the entire side, showcasing a nice view of the city. As I'm distracted, taking in the surroundings, I hear an indignant cry come from near the windows. Attention grabbed, I look towards the noise and my eyes settle on Ichigo. He's standing over a wide, translucent table holding a few sheets of paper in his hands. His sparkling brown eyes are wide and his face is turning red. I smile. Finally caught him._

_I saunter over and his back stiffens as I get closer. This is looking promising because Ichigo has nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. He can't avoid me with me standing right in front of him._

"_Yo," I greet._

_Ichigo's mouth turns down into a frown, eyebrows pulled into a deep scowl. "What the fuck are you doing here?"_

"_I need ta talk ta you."_

"_Here?"_

"_Yeah, here. It ain't like you'd talk to me anywhere else. You wouldn't even answer your phone."_

"_I don't wanna talk to you, that's why. Go away," he snapped and turned his back to me._

_Oh yeah?_

_I grab his shoulder and spin him around. His hands automatically come up like he's about to hit me, but before he can, I yank his chest to mine and place my lips over his. That shuts him up good. He freezes, but I don't pay that any mind. This is the only way I can think of to get him to listen to me. To get him to realize that I like him too. I absently hear rustling and come to discover that Ichigo has dropped the papers he'd been holding. I really hope he's not going to push me away, or worse, hit me. _

_He doesn't._

_His hands go to my shoulders and grip tightly as his mouth carefully opens and draws my bottom lip into it. I'm stunned, but bigger than that, happy. This must mean he's not mad at me, right? So, I follow his lead and get into it, sliding my tongue into his mouth. I remember this taste. It's the same as the day Ichigo kissed me the first time. His tongue touches mine, tentative. I put my arms around his waist and pull him closer, trying to project with my actions that it's OK to do what he wants. I think he gets it because he sighs and the kiss gets infinitely hotter. Ichigo's arms go around my neck and one hand plows through my hair. His tongue is aggressive. So is mine. We're kissing like there isn't a room full of spectators and it feels awesome._

_But then, just as I feel things stirring in my shorts, Ichigo pulls back and glares at me. "You took all this time just to realize that you DO like me?"_

_I shrug, sheepish. What should I say? I'd never been attracted to a guy before, so his first kiss had thrown me off. I tell him as much. Ichigo laughs at my response and shakes his head as if he can't believe this is happening. I want to do the same, but I'm too focused on those syrupy brown eyes dancing with happiness. I'm distracted by those full lips turned up into a crooked grin and those dimples winking at me. _

"_Excuse me, but this isn't the place for that. Ichigo, can you ask your guest to please leave?"_

_A woman's sultry voice comes from the doorway and Ichigo jumps away from me like I'm made of fire. I turn and see a beautiful woman with violet hair and golden eyes staring at us, a smile tugging at her lips. She's freaking gorgeous. But, so is the man standing behind me, blushing like a virgin._

"_Sorry, Yoruichi-san," Ichigo mutters. _

_He's obviously embarrassed and now I feel bad about getting him in trouble at work. Not that much, though. If I hadn't come here looking for the orange-haired man, he would have probably kept ignoring me and avoiding me. I grin through the awkward moment and lean over, kissing Ichigo's cheek._

"_Call me later," I say quietly, so only he can hear me._

_His eyes are shining when he looks up at me and nods. "OK," he whispers._

_His cheeks are a charming scarlet and it makes my grin spread as I turn to leave. I can't wait to see him again. When I pass the woman in the doorway, she smirks and follows me out. Now what? I'm leaving, aren't I? Why's she following me like she thinks I'll steal something? I turn and face her, about to ask her just that, when she holds up a hand, cutting me off before I can even begin._

"_Thank you," she says._

_Well, this baffles me into further silence. I have to say, I didn't expect that._

"_Ichigo has been a pain in the ass with his anger issues and attitude. I'm hoping things will change now that he has someone in his life to mellow him out."_

_I laugh. Loudly. Almost hysterically. Is that what she thinks?_

"_Lady, I don't know how much you know, but I don't think anyone can mellow that guy out. Besides, I have the same issues, ya know? We met in anger management."_

_This makes her widen her eyes, clearly shocked. "I-is that so?"_

"_Yup. So, good luck with that. Nice meetin' you."_

_I turn away and head to the elevators again, still inwardly chuckling. When I reach the metal doors, I change my mind and go for the stairs instead. I remember how the elevator had been acting as if it wanted to stop and I really didn't want to tempt fate. I trotted down the stairs, looking forward to the time when Ichigo left work. _

_OK, I'll leave off there. You know who wants to write the rest._

_~Grimm_

XOXOXO

_July 4th, 2011_

_Wednesday_

_3:45 am_

_It has been a while since we last had a chat, but if you read Grimm's entry, then you're pretty much caught up to what's going on. I'll just backtrack a bit and let you know how I was feeling while the asshole was taking his time "reflecting."_

_Last time we spoke, I was feeling pretty humiliated because Grimmjow had been avoiding me. He'd skipped class and when he did return, he didn't seem to want to have anything to do with me. Once class finished, I thought he would at least call to let me know something, but he didn't. Which, of course, left me pissed and even more depressed. If he didn't want me, didn't like me, wasn't interested – whatever – he should have just said so. Well, as you read, I was a little upset by the time he did decide to contact me. I'd resigned myself to never speaking to the blue-haired idiot ever again. Screw him. That's how I'd felt._

_Until he'd gone and shown up at my damned job. (Shakes head)_

_I still can't believe he did that. But then again, yeah I can. When I think about it, that seems exactly like something he would do. Especially if he couldn't get his way. Here let me just go right back into it._

_After Grimmjow got me scolded by my boss, Yoruichi-san, I went back to my table and sat down hard, still reeling from shock. I couldn't believe things had gone the way they had. The worst part of it all: Chado had been there to witness my caving. Before Grimmjow came to my job, I'd told Chado about how the guy was avoiding me and wouldn't even give me an answer to any of my questions. Chado knew how pissed I was. He'd been there when I said I would never talk to Grimmjow again for dissing me that way. So, it made sense that he'd be there to see me go back on my word. I felt so foolish. I couldn't even look in his direction, I was so embarrassed. Then a quiet chuckle caught me off guard, forcing me to do just what I said I couldn't._

_Chado sat back in his rolling chair, giving me a smile that actually showed his teeth. It shocked the hell out of me, but didn't keep me from saying anything._

"_What?"_

_Chado shook his head, his eyes dancing with laughter. "So that's him, huh? I think I guessed when I saw him on the elevator a few minutes ago."_

_That made my heart leap into my mouth. Had Grimmjow said something? But why did that even matter? After barging into my space and kissing me in front of God and all my co-workers, the blue-haired man saying something to my best friend didn't hold much weight._

"_Oh," was all I could conjure up._

"_He's hot."_

_I swear I think I stopped breathing and my heart stopped beating for a minute. Chado? What was that?_

"_Chado...you...?"_

_Chado just gave me that mysterious grin of his before lowering his head over his work, silently declaring the conversation over. I also gleaned from his actions that he approved of Grimmjow. If he didn't, he certainly wouldn't look so happy and call the guy...hot. _

_After that, work crawled by in slow motion, it seemed. I was anxious to leave and talk to Grimmjow again. Maybe do some more of that toe-curling kissing. I danced in my seat all day, so much that Yoruichi came and ordered me to sit still and stop fidgeting like a toddler. _

_I tried._

_Finally, work ended and I nearly run to my car, this causing Chado to laugh at my back as he left in a more sedate manner. I didn't care. I had a date with a very sexy blue-haired miscreant, who – in his own way – had finally admitted to liking me the way I like him. I climb in my piece of shit car, still anxious as hell, when a knock comes from my passenger window. It's Chado. I roll the window down, trying to disguise the fact that I'm in a hurry. I think Chado sees right through it because he's still wearing that grin._

"_You left this upstairs, Ichigo," he says calmly, deep voice so amused._

_I look at what he's holding up and almost swallow my tongue. How the hell did I forget my cell phone? The one way for Grimmjow to contact me had been left, abandoned at my desk. I shake my head and reach over for it. I need to calm down. Chado hands it off and straightens with a small wave before going to his car and sliding inside. Now, I'm ready to go. I crank the engine and sail out of the parking lot, wondering what time Grimmjow will decide to call me. Then I hear frantic beeping behind me. I turn in my seat to see who's leaning on their horn and why, and notice bright blue hair in my rear-view mirror. _

_Holy shit!_

_I pull over and Grimmjow pulls behind me, then hops out of his car, his stride fluid and sexy. His hands are in his pockets as he makes his way over and his hair just enthralls me. I can't stop staring. Finally, he's in front of me, leaning over my window._

"_Wanna roll this down?" he asks, one severe brow arched._

_Blushing, I roll the window down. I can't believe I got so carried away with watching him that I forgot to do it. When I do, he smiles and leans inside, catching me off guard with a brief kiss. _

"_I tried callin' you when you were in the parking lot. Where you off to in such a rush?" he asks as he pulls away._

_I blush some more, angry with myself at my own reaction. Why am I being such a girl about this? I shrug, helplessly watching his lips as he smirks. _

"_I don't know," I lie, knowing full well why I was in such a hurry. _

"_Liar," he says._

_I guess he knows too, and that's enough to make me look away, embarrassed._

"_It's OK, though, right?" he continues._

_When I look up at him, his kaleidoscopic eyes are somewhat uncertain. I wonder why, but I don't realize I've done this out loud until Grimmjow looks at me funny._

"_Well, I know I pissed you off and made you wait a long time. Just wonderin' if it's alright that I like you."_

_I can't believe my ears. What the hell is he saying? Doesn't he realize I've been sitting on pins and needles waiting to hear him say just that? And now he's doubting it? Idiot!_

_I laugh and reach out the window, grabbing the back of his head and pulling him in for another kiss. I like the way he tastes and I like seeing his eyes close before he kisses me back. _

"_Stop being stupid," I chide when I pull back._

_His grin is back and it's blinding. I want more. I want more time with him, more kissing, more touching. I want to learn everything about him. _

"_Come to my house," he says, breaking my train of thought._

_I look at him again, startled. His house? Really?_

"_That's OK?" I ask._

"_Now, who's being stupid?"_

_He didn't even wait for me to respond before straightening his back and moving towards his car. I guess that left me no choice but to follow him. I wait for him to pull away from the curb before doing the same and falling in behind his car. We drive for a while and I realize we're headed to Tokyo. I didn't know Grimmjow lives there. Now, I'm excited, anxious to see the blue-haired man in his own habitat. We drive for a little bit more, passing the shopping and business districts, and finally winding through the civilian areas. This is one of the nicer areas, though. The houses here are huge and obviously expensive, which makes me wonder just what kind of work Grimmjow does. _

_We pull into a three-car garage and I shut the engine to my car, awe lighting up my face at the sight of an immaculate BMW already parked in one of the spaces. Grimmjow hops out of his car and waits for me to do the same before leading me to a door that obviously went into the house. I'm nervous as hell now. I don't know what to expect. Does Grimmjow live alone here? Where does he get the money to afford living in a house like this? We step inside the door and a few feet ahead, there's another door. I close the first one and go to catch up with the other man, when I hear him talking. I freeze, scared stupid. Who's he talking to? Why am I so scared? I'm a grown ass man, dammit!_

_I take a deep breath and scold myself some more before going forward through the other door. I'm immediately paralyzed by the sight of two older people, who mixed together, look just like the man standing next to a long, granite kitchen counter. The older man has curly brown hair and the same chaotic blue eyes as Grimmjow. His nose is just as straight, eyebrows just as severe, but his look is softened by the presence of a pair of black, wire-framed glasses. He looks like a college professor. _

_The older woman is beautiful and seems to be the picture of maternal instinct. The way she's looking at me makes me want to ask her for a cookie and some milk. Her hair is the same shade as Grimmjow's, but her eyes are dark-blue and wide. Gentle. Her smile is warm and inviting, not mischievous and sneaky like her son's. _

_It's obvious to me that these two are Grimmjow's parents. When that fact settles in my brain, I feel myself beginning to panic a bit. Why didn't Grimmjow tell me he wanted me to meet his family. Why didn't he let me prepare? I twist my fingers together and play with my car keys, completely harassed. I don't know what the hell to do._

"_Hi! Ichigo, I presume?" the woman asks._

_Her voice is smoky, like a blues singer's. Like she should be wearing a bright red sequined dress instead of a yellow apron and powder blue house dress. Her hair is tied back in a neat bun and she's wiping her hands with a white dish towel. _

_She knows my name._

"_Uh, yeah. I mean, yes. Yes, ma'am."_

_Grimmjow and the older man seated at the table both guffaw and it's eerily identical. I send Grimmjow a scathing glare because I can't do the same to his father. My look shuts him up because it clearly tells him I plan to kick his ass later for doing this to me. _

"_Ichigo, if you plan to stick around, you'd better lose that habit," the woman says sternly, and for one brief second, I catch a brief glimpse of Grimmjow's lust for fighting._

_It's scary. I thought it would be the other way around. _

"_O-OK," I answer._

"_So!" the man at the table starts and I feel sweat collecting under my armpits. This is so wrong. "I understand that you like my son."_

_Grimmjow and my face went pale. I truly feel like hiding in a corner with a blanket, sucking my thumb and crying for my mommy._

"_Dad!" Grimmjow yelps. "What the hell!"_

"_Jake, honey, don't scare the boy. He just got here," Grimmjow's mom adds._

_Jake just sits back in his seat and gives me that same grin Grimmjow gives me when he's being particularly bad. _

"_I just wanna hear it from him. So, that's correct, right?" _

_I swallow very harshly before nodding. "Yes," I answer and I'm proud that my voice doesn't waver._

"_I see. And what are your intentions? Do you only want sex?"_

_I can't believe this is happening. I feel like a teenager again. Like I'm meeting a girl's father before taking her to a dance. It's horrible for my nerves and I can't stop fucking sweating. I look to Grimmjow for some assistance, but he's wearing the same swallowed-a-bug expression I am. His blue eyes are wide and his mouth has fallen open. I think I look exactly the same right now._

_Thankfully, Grimmjow's mother comes to the rescue.  
"Jake! Didn't we agree to behave?"_

"_I don't remember that part, Liz."_

_I can't stop staring at Jake. His eyes are like magnets, somehow even more powerful than his son's. But that was kind of expected since the older man had years to perfect his technique. Still...I'm frozen in place, unsure of what to do. Just as I go to answer, Grimmjow is beside me, hand over my mouth and eyes wild._

"_Don't answer that, Ichigo!"_

_So, now I really don't know what to do. I've got two pairs of luminous blue eyes drilling into me, waiting for my reaction and frankly, I want to walk through a wall and disappear from sight like a ghost. Can I do that? Can I just turn and leave and try to forget this horrendously mortifying situation? _

"_By all means, do answer the question, Ichigo," Jake says, his lips curving into a sinister grin._

_I'm breathing too fast and so is Grimmjow. But Grimmjow is scowling at his father as well, those blue brows forming a sharp V in the middle of his forehead._

"_Dad," Grimmjow starts seriously, drawing all attention to himself. There is reigning silence. "You SUCK!" he shouts and abruptly pulls me from the kitchen._

_Wait. Did I just really witness Grimmjow throwing a tantrum? His face is pulled into a tight, angry knot and he's stomping through a huge hall, dragging me with him. I can hear Jake's laughter echoing from the kitchen and I suddenly feel like the punchline of a joke. I think Jake set us both up. _

"_Hey, Grimmjow," I try, but the blue-haired man is ignoring me. _

_I'm still being dragged through the large hallway, until it ends and we wind up at the bottom of an equally large staircase. It immediately reminds me of those historical movies where the female lead comes walking dramatically slow down them wearing a huge gown, with plenty of petticoats and ruffles underneath. Why my head goes in that direction? No clue. I'm yanked up the stairs as well. In fact, we don't slow down until we reach the end of the hallway that was up the stairs. There's a bedroom and it's fucking colossal. I've never seen that much space all in one place in my life. Is this for real?_

_Grimmjow slams the door behind us and turns to look at me, face red and nostrils flared. I almost feel bad for him, when I realize that we're actually in the same boat._

"_So, your dad's a bit nuts, huh?" _

_Like I could talk? But Grimmjow didn't need to know that just yet. As a matter of fact, that would be my revenge: take the blue-haired idiot to meet MY old man. What fun that would be._

"_I can't believe he did that," Grimmjow mutters, running a hand through that amazing hair. _

_Finally, I see the humor in the situation and laugh...hard. Grimmjow is looking at me like I've lost my mind. I can't help it, though. Jake got both of us good and got away with it because we were too shaken up to think logically. I shake my head and go over to Grimmjow, also suddenly realizing that we're alone in his bedroom apparently. There are posters on one wall that scream his name (not literally), and the color scheme of gray and blue has his personality written all over it. I like it. Grimmjow grabs my attention by moving closer as well, his grin big and scary almost. I like that too. He puts his hands on my hips and next thing I know, he's kissing me. Rather fervently, if I might say so._

_I think I know where this is going and I'm so looking forward to it. His lips are warm and demanding and I just want to get inside him. I want to learn this man from the roots of his soft blue hair to the tips of his feet. I hold myself in place by gripping the back of his head and toying with his hair. He grunts and his hips lurch forward. I know what he wants, but since this is my first male experience, I'm not quite sure how to go about things. The sudden knowledge of this puts me in a strange place and makes me back out of the bone-melting kiss. _

"_What's wrong?" Grimmjow asks, searching my face._

"_I wanna do this, but I don't know how," I admit, face burning from embarrassment._

_Grimmjow laughs and holds me to his chest. "Me either. Don't worry 'bout it, though. We can go slow, yeah?"_

_Relieved, I nod and inhale his unique scent. He feels so good against me like this and I want it to last a really long time, if not forever. _

_Which brings us back to the present. Me and Grimm have been "taking things slow", dating and stuff and it's nice. The other night we watched a gay porno and aside from making me blush furiously and him fall into a fit of laughter, it did give us a lot if useful information. I do remember clearly Grimmjow looking over at me in the middle of the flick and giving me a very stern glare._

"_I'm not bein' the girl, I hope you know that."_

"_What makes you think I want to be the girl?"_

"_Because for one: you're named after a fruit and two: you're cute enough to be a girl, so why not?"_

_I puff up indignantly and cross my arms. "Fuck you!"_

_Grimmjow laughs and scoots closer to me on his bed. "No, see that's what you WON'T be doing. We're discussing what you WILL do."_

"_Oh yeah?" I ask, mischievous. I know what I'm about to say is going to make those eyebrows hit the roof. "Well, I think I'm gonna fuck my boyfriend where the sun don't shine."_

_Grimmjow becomes a blue statue. He stares at me, his face stony and serious. I can't even hold it in. I crack up laughing. And that's when he kisses me. _

"_Ichigo," he starts, pulling away. "I like you. I like you a lot, but you will NOT be fucking me. Thank you very much."_

"_Why can't we compromise?"_

"_Why can't you just listen?"_

_I'm still chuckling at the look on his face. He's obviously scared. Me? I'm a bit more adventurous and actually don't mind "being the girl" the first time around, but it doesn't mean I don't want to see what it's like to be on the giving end of things. _

"_I think you're chicken," I say softly, briefly kissing him again. "Bwuak."_

_Grimmjow shakes his head and puts me in a headlock, which I don't mind so much because he smells really good. Then, he surprises me._

"_I ain't scared. Matter fact, just ta prove it, I'll let you do me after I do you. How's that?"_

_Honestly, I like the man so much, I'm willing to do that for him. We're so dysfunctional, it keeps everything new and exciting, even when we're arguing, so his words and attitude don't bother me at all. I smile and lean into his touch. _

"_I'm fine with that."_

_This seems like a nice start to a really cool relationship._

_Til next time, then._

_Ichigo~_


End file.
